tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30493020596166020272023-11-16T09:59:20.474-05:007th Annual Tacky Christmas Party SoireeSpectacularThis serves as the homepage for WikiChristmasLeaks. Tens and possibly twenties of documents have been anonymously leaked to the WikiChristmasLeaks site (here). These documents contain classified and top secret information relating to the proper celebration of the Tacky Christmas party. Names have been named. Stay tuned to this blog for leaked info, pictures, party info, etc. See original post for additional details.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00924679693984169978noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-87306209090713891362010-12-17T09:15:00.000-05:002010-12-17T09:15:00.827-05:00Party Documents InterceptedNOTES ON PLANNED INTERACTIVE PARTY GAME DISCOVERED<br />
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WikiChristmasLeaks has received word that this document was intended for release at the party. It is apparently some sort of completion game. The idea is to complete items in the squares. Traditionally, this is known as the American game of Bingo, with a player winning with a complete row, column, or diagonal line. It has also been known to be played to completion of the entire board, or "blackout."<br />
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We have it on good authority that first to blackout* wins a significant prize.<br />
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Please bingo responsibly.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhclWIwFBI3BELM4XQ-5h0CuDA3rE70WlHfI5zoJV4q7BUjvZZnm_G9mLFRp_lcAxOyH1rKdEcfVlN9p_DKVKqmLLjX6fKzbpM3M8tfeUwRjneouPmoQO3UUTiVG8PmDCxPEFTAwtaoV4l2/s1600/tacky+christmas+bingo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhclWIwFBI3BELM4XQ-5h0CuDA3rE70WlHfI5zoJV4q7BUjvZZnm_G9mLFRp_lcAxOyH1rKdEcfVlN9p_DKVKqmLLjX6fKzbpM3M8tfeUwRjneouPmoQO3UUTiVG8PmDCxPEFTAwtaoV4l2/s640/tacky+christmas+bingo.JPG" width="495" /></a></div><br />
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*blackout their bingo card, not their memoryJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00924679693984169978noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-90909609901313974002010-12-16T15:34:00.005-05:002010-12-16T15:52:44.793-05:00Tacky PetsWe all love pets here at the 7th Annual Tacky Christmas Party SoireeSpectacular, so why not get them involved in the tackiness. No, this little guy is TOO CUUUUTE to be tacky. He would look adorable in the most ridiculous sweater....<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivcLEmACqoPm2pkWjk42JZuvp7rBtPGShR4mEG19h3BLhpDpsuiUwtEHmhhqUUhs3aibJxdsqWRfwhdbocQN6A-JE6i5UxFLwbZIYRNiFA2R5yn3kGnUFtXSL4_h_NR5Iy3cVQBBbxHuwr/s1600/boo.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivcLEmACqoPm2pkWjk42JZuvp7rBtPGShR4mEG19h3BLhpDpsuiUwtEHmhhqUUhs3aibJxdsqWRfwhdbocQN6A-JE6i5UxFLwbZIYRNiFA2R5yn3kGnUFtXSL4_h_NR5Iy3cVQBBbxHuwr/s320/boo.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551383208158894946" border="0" /></a><br />But this is a stunning example of tackiness at it's finest.....<br /><img src="file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/houkk/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot.png" alt="" /><br /><object height="385" width="640"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/v/KG3O6UBLGbA?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/v/KG3O6UBLGbA?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="385" width="640"></embed></object>Kevin Houkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10545447544673043559noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-83149679693546712792010-12-16T00:28:00.031-05:002010-12-16T01:32:31.258-05:00DANGER: PRISONER ON THE LOOSE, THREATENS 7TH ANNUAL CHRISTMAS PARTY SOIREESPECTACULAR<span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" >
<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNhc28DFJybiA54wEk_n1F4wmcRuprJ_6j7pFe12oNbWJElkjwjWtWPefeQwOSd_avWPCztI1pQhJmko6amVS13G7s29hoSGcGVTXPyYYdFO5-hclBk8WTrk1DclDDbepNUXhHmhvLqLM/s1600/bateman.jpg"><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSBAUGH%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="City"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="State"></o:smarttagtype><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; 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margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --></style></a>EXTREMELY</span><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link style="font-family: arial;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSBAUGH%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" ><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="State"></o:smarttagtype> urgent news has just been handed in to WikiChristmasLeaks.</span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" > </span><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" >Reports out of <st1:state st="on"><st1:place st="on">Texas</st1:place></st1:state> are that a prisoner has escaped maximum security prison today near the Mexico/US border.</span><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" > </span><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" >His name is not known but his alias is said to be “Patrick Jazz Hand Bateman.”
<br /></span><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link style="font-family: arial;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSBAUGH%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" ><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="City"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="State"></o:smarttagtype>
<br />Patrick Jazz Hand Bateman is known as being one of the creepiest, most dangerous, most mentally unstable humans to ever walk the planet.</span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" > </span><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link style="font-family: arial;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSBAUGH%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" ><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype>
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<br />There is some solid intel that points to his intended destination being <st1:place st="on"><st1:city st="on">Arlington</st1:city>, <st1:state st="on">VA.</st1:state></st1:place></span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" > </span><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" >Estimates are that he will arrive some time in the early evening on Friday, December 17<sup>th</sup>.</span><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" > </span><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" >Experts are beginning to formulate opinions that he will target a Christmas house party full of the drunkest young adults that he can find in the area.</span><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" > </span><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" >The overwhelming conclusion is that he will end up trying to carry out his attacks at the 7th Annual Tacky Christmas Party SoireeSpectacular.</span><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link style="font-family: arial;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSBAUGH%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" >
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<br />The State Department has immediately begun compiling a list of ways to protect yourself from this lethal individual should he find your party.</span><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link style="font-family: arial;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSBAUGH%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">WHAT FOLLOWS COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">This is a list of techniques that Patrick Jazz Hand Bateman has been known to use against his victims and the corresponding maneuvers that you can use to deflect his attacks.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">THE KEY TO THESE DEFENSE MANEUVERS IS THAT THEY BE EXTREMELY TACKY.</span><span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" ><b style=""><u>
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<br /><span style="font-family: arial;">Situation #1:</span></u></b></span><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link style="font-family: arial;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSBAUGH%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--><span style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" >
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<br />Patrick Jazz Hand Bateman presents his business card to you.</span><span style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" > </span><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family: arial;">Its bone coloring, pale nimbus font, and slightly raised wax lettering could end you right then and there.</span>
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<br /></span><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSBAUGH%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--><p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcmf-kTv_ielHBvuZwSo2_VRyO0gcq-WUXGoB6-KEAw-8R9iMn-5VgnZdOwAKBWgkFC8vyq_IyWZhnhEZB-bWGEy95K53h1CIZjIJw7GkidA4kDyP4Xanfxl53ecIkNqyPSkHSS1sGsW4/s1600/bateman.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 139px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcmf-kTv_ielHBvuZwSo2_VRyO0gcq-WUXGoB6-KEAw-8R9iMn-5VgnZdOwAKBWgkFC8vyq_IyWZhnhEZB-bWGEy95K53h1CIZjIJw7GkidA4kDyP4Xanfxl53ecIkNqyPSkHSS1sGsW4/s200/bateman.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551155122095297186" border="0" /></a>
<br /><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSBAUGH%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><u>DEFENSE MANEUVERS:</u></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><u><o:p></o:p></u></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">Present back to him your own business card…so incredibly Christmas tacky that it defies all belief.<span style=""> </span>Suggested templates:</span></p>
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<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoMTBYjlFk4I-BbAFhdmH0H_KonlSHxYSjCmGo3Og6X1DrbForaIxzxqi_mv9JtpSAhRUa-qMKxLclXnUNd445z4NnPFC1qB581_adUETdzJUTj5Mqlw8JhCjPGw3z8p1c_Sofl6v1wJY/s1600/christmas+business+card+1.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 255px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoMTBYjlFk4I-BbAFhdmH0H_KonlSHxYSjCmGo3Og6X1DrbForaIxzxqi_mv9JtpSAhRUa-qMKxLclXnUNd445z4NnPFC1qB581_adUETdzJUTj5Mqlw8JhCjPGw3z8p1c_Sofl6v1wJY/s400/christmas+business+card+1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551152948338351042" border="0" /></a>
<br /><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSBAUGH%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">This particular card encompasses some crucial elements.<span style=""> </span>Cheesy tag line?<span style=""> </span>Check.<span style=""> </span>Santa?<span style=""> </span>Check.<span style=""> </span>Elf with pointy ears?<span style=""> </span>Check.<span style=""> </span>Reindeer?<span style=""> </span>Check.<span style=""> </span>Little squirrel thingy?<span style=""> </span>Check.</span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">Another example for reinforcement purposes:</span></p>
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<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXSoIDxFA2E_Hw2U89u5b1CHk17BnqFWifF4Ifo5tzONvFHVSUHQNKHj9jwcagz_LWINdZrVQh830jb3mv6Osi12kM926Pckh75kaOlVgqWc1mBZyq_J_qQu0rHWI3A-_OovcWqUpwK-M/s1600/christmas+business+card+2.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 286px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXSoIDxFA2E_Hw2U89u5b1CHk17BnqFWifF4Ifo5tzONvFHVSUHQNKHj9jwcagz_LWINdZrVQh830jb3mv6Osi12kM926Pckh75kaOlVgqWc1mBZyq_J_qQu0rHWI3A-_OovcWqUpwK-M/s400/christmas+business+card+2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551152845108291234" border="0" /></a>
<br /><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSBAUGH%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">Cheesy tag line?<span style=""> </span>Double check.<span style=""> </span>Polar bears?<span style=""> </span>Check.<span style=""> </span>Fish with two holes cut in the ice so they can jump and smile at you?<span style=""> </span>Check.<span style=""> </span>Penguins?<span style=""> </span>Bonus points.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">Both of these cards would leave Patrick Jazz Hand Bateman cringing, shaking, absolutely furious that your business card was better than his.<span style=""> </span>He would give up his attack and move on.</span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">IT HIS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED THAT YOU COME PREPARED WITH BUSINESS CARDS THAT LOOK LIKE THESE.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:arial;">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><b style=""><u>Situation #2:</u></b></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:arial;">
<br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><b style=""><u><o:p></o:p></u></b></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" >Patrick Jazz Hand Bateman goes off on the following rant about his appreciation for Huey Lewis and The News:</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" >
<br /></span><span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><span style="font-size:10pt;"><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" >Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far much more bitter, cynical sense of humor.<span style=""> </span>In '87, Huey released this, Fore, their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip to be Square", a song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself.</span><o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
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<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh4GEnbkFKpAdCrLeZlStOl1RXCzPsmPqJBAk_Wic0EcLDRbQtlQON-uLpab4M92Mexzq2pSL-BJCZfGrdI9UEicGTco5bvWUvRBLxowPZyeyUGk4NO64ynOnJ1mdHkI2IQUxASZ_bne8/s1600/bateman+phil+collins.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 173px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh4GEnbkFKpAdCrLeZlStOl1RXCzPsmPqJBAk_Wic0EcLDRbQtlQON-uLpab4M92Mexzq2pSL-BJCZfGrdI9UEicGTco5bvWUvRBLxowPZyeyUGk4NO64ynOnJ1mdHkI2IQUxASZ_bne8/s400/bateman+phil+collins.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551152660398826674" border="0" /></a>
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<br /><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSBAUGH%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="State"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="PlaceName"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="PlaceType"></o:smarttagtype><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">Or Phil Collins:</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><span style="font-size:11pt;"><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" >Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Christy, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. Sabrina, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you, uh, dance a little. Take the lyrics to <st1:place st="on"><st1:placetype st="on">Land</st1:placetype> of <st1:placename st="on">Confusion</st1:placename></st1:place>. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Air Tonight and Against All Odds. Sabrina, don't just stare at it, eat it. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite.</span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal">
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<br /><i style=""><o:p></o:p></i></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><i style=""><o:p> </o:p></i></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><u>DEFENSE MANEUVERS:</u></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span><span style="font-size:85%;"><u><o:p></o:p></u></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">Respond with your own rant about your obsession for the “Love Actually” song (<i style="">I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my, toes</i>…) or the whole movie for that matter.</span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">Start belting out Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” as if you were driving in your car to work every day in December with it on your ipod Christmas play list.</span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> </span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">Go off on a tangent about how you have a weakness for any Christmas song by Michael Buble because of his buttery smooth voice.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /><span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <span style=";font-family:";font-size:12pt;" ><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" >Recite any line from “Home Alone” or “Home Alone 2: Lost in <st1:state st="on"><st1:place st="on">New York</st1:place></st1:state>.”</span>
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<br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmm_yDdONz_iVESGrkaBAOAIf0_6vO0xdzNI_4RWdorCK_PoLNqI59EXojDp-Nbw3zu-7FEIf9VprWnnlpAyvvVsRxISLd1lWeLurEdIuFOLN28-FLl8WUl1SZlO4peEZj8O97RHp5xJU/s1600/home+alone.gif"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 185px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmm_yDdONz_iVESGrkaBAOAIf0_6vO0xdzNI_4RWdorCK_PoLNqI59EXojDp-Nbw3zu-7FEIf9VprWnnlpAyvvVsRxISLd1lWeLurEdIuFOLN28-FLl8WUl1SZlO4peEZj8O97RHp5xJU/s200/home+alone.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551152357901509282" border="0" /></a>
<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDTar7jTgopD05bOI2LCAcRDYVfsLcWtdgNj8VsVjFNue6xuORTPtIyPcFf4A6qgW5INQUss0eDXo7AaUFn5egnOtzhWFziyfvYptGsxLMaMQ8o1AKk4m1_4ZbGbU8Ew1N2wFF8ApVp8Q/s1600/Home_Alone_2.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 134px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDTar7jTgopD05bOI2LCAcRDYVfsLcWtdgNj8VsVjFNue6xuORTPtIyPcFf4A6qgW5INQUss0eDXo7AaUFn5egnOtzhWFziyfvYptGsxLMaMQ8o1AKk4m1_4ZbGbU8Ew1N2wFF8ApVp8Q/s200/Home_Alone_2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551152244026508578" border="0" /></a>
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<br /><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSBAUGH%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><b style=""><u>Situation #3:</u></b></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span><span style="font-size:85%;"><b style=""><u><o:p></o:p></u></b></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">Patrick Jazz Hand Bateman pulls out a nail gun.</span></p>
<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr41YeAMXY51sduBh0mxPwXFM9ojMSZQ3YXzsYdz1HuyK_SEVaW3-jaeO4MGJXatAQWQu-jTTONt7lusSrf82hFweGsBmzHcesXjjTP10mHCRwE6MTUzFzCEqfnP93zgxB8MN7lIU8Pco/s1600/bateman+nail+gun.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 225px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr41YeAMXY51sduBh0mxPwXFM9ojMSZQ3YXzsYdz1HuyK_SEVaW3-jaeO4MGJXatAQWQu-jTTONt7lusSrf82hFweGsBmzHcesXjjTP10mHCRwE6MTUzFzCEqfnP93zgxB8MN7lIU8Pco/s320/bateman+nail+gun.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551151985508621906" border="0" /></a>
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<br /></span><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link style="font-family: arial;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSBAUGH%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><u>DEFENSE MANEUVER:</u></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span><span style="font-size:85%;"><u><o:p></o:p></u></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">You pull out a massive candy cane.</span></p>
<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyJWy7bZNBPafnN4hFtKepa0QdkIg5xbGDbzIZiZZQmMh3IQzC0zBi8gY_OVO49vrPUgjW4oanfVtZkpBcla0zHaxlG7YTqrnJDee9ulM_Y6X7t4E2p-y0IQvyaaJHbhi4KuLtfonV8rI/s1600/bateman+candy+cane.jpeg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 231px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyJWy7bZNBPafnN4hFtKepa0QdkIg5xbGDbzIZiZZQmMh3IQzC0zBi8gY_OVO49vrPUgjW4oanfVtZkpBcla0zHaxlG7YTqrnJDee9ulM_Y6X7t4E2p-y0IQvyaaJHbhi4KuLtfonV8rI/s400/bateman+candy+cane.jpeg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551151773753063090" border="0" /></a><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSBAUGH%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><b style=""><u>Situation #4:<o:p></o:p></u></b></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><b style=""><u><o:p><span style="text-decoration: none;">
<br /></span></o:p></u></b></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">**PAY ATTENTION: MOST LIFE THREATENING SITUATION OF THEM ALL</span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p>Patrick Jazz Hand Bateman delivers any of the following:</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p>
<br /></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: arial;font-size:100%;" ><b style="">Left Jazz Hand</b>.</span><span style=""> </span></span></p>
<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaTg4IYWl2huSnhXX95W8c_mU5FkuHWDCXIKWUQJfEuaMGrFklPjXWJ1ElhmvDv3PHx0Uj5MjoOBFA5YD1P52XB6Z97cDCQSFVYxkwF6pc3pafUumGH8zMMo5RDN5oGJ1_MQfPiDSNBcA/s1600/jazz+hand+left.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaTg4IYWl2huSnhXX95W8c_mU5FkuHWDCXIKWUQJfEuaMGrFklPjXWJ1ElhmvDv3PHx0Uj5MjoOBFA5YD1P52XB6Z97cDCQSFVYxkwF6pc3pafUumGH8zMMo5RDN5oGJ1_MQfPiDSNBcA/s320/jazz+hand+left.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551151065276512370" border="0" /></a><span style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;font-size:100%;" >
<br /></span><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link style="font-family: arial;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSBAUGH%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Wingdings; panose-1:5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0; mso-font-charset:2; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:0 268435456 0 0 -2147483648 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;font-size:100%;" ><b style="">Double Jazz Hand</b><span style="font-weight: bold;">s</span> </span><b style=""><span style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;font-size:100%;" ><span style="">--></span> Burst.</span><o:p></o:p></b></p>
<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsyFSuLa3-w0iTdjvOiQOAKEVm_6HQW6qVvBZEuIM8-saYtryRgYXt2RTaqrxv1lB5j5DZ0_hG_u_gzqMH6h16EdTXGlf0pOPjJu9bJeMSzqw6aKb-eCqUvP2cBG5gMOwj3d5S9z4Siiw/s1600/jazz+hand+burst.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 294px; height: 196px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsyFSuLa3-w0iTdjvOiQOAKEVm_6HQW6qVvBZEuIM8-saYtryRgYXt2RTaqrxv1lB5j5DZ0_hG_u_gzqMH6h16EdTXGlf0pOPjJu9bJeMSzqw6aKb-eCqUvP2cBG5gMOwj3d5S9z4Siiw/s320/jazz+hand+burst.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551150873219065218" border="0" /></a><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link style="font-family: arial;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSBAUGH%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Wingdings; panose-1:5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0; mso-font-charset:2; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:0 268435456 0 0 -2147483648 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;font-size:100%;" ><b style="">Shoulder </b></span><b style=""><span style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;font-size:100%;" ><span style="">--></span>Chin.</span><o:p></o:p></b></p>
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<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_DuHKpzXipVJZfuECkvR9kKBxkZOil-OOd6IPooKtIU8hZAO8qnQEIKQc1Jj9ej0cuIuV9d7n9Svj5nLCfccfeiBLk1k63Gb-uB0QNpVm7Ith_Lx5HhGZyMlFgR8s3x7kxDYcO8-2SWo/s1600/shoulder+chin.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 235px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_DuHKpzXipVJZfuECkvR9kKBxkZOil-OOd6IPooKtIU8hZAO8qnQEIKQc1Jj9ej0cuIuV9d7n9Svj5nLCfccfeiBLk1k63Gb-uB0QNpVm7Ith_Lx5HhGZyMlFgR8s3x7kxDYcO8-2SWo/s320/shoulder+chin.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551150562352267778" border="0" /></a>
<br /><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" >OR
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<br /></span></span><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link style="font-family: arial;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSBAUGH%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:100%;" >Crank.</span><o:p></o:p></b></p>
<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiLQ-F1n99AkMDYLp_v4tuliuNb7zBz3pnPU5y2op-Oax8ciobGThFg2ZPNEEhs3je0owS9C4zLpHMdklkHw8HLuK_vEsOZzUDIEQcXamBna-cbdg7PEK4dUWK1kj6IfFFGWIX5Bo8Ta8/s1600/double+dream+hands+crank.jpeg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 140px; height: 110px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiLQ-F1n99AkMDYLp_v4tuliuNb7zBz3pnPU5y2op-Oax8ciobGThFg2ZPNEEhs3je0owS9C4zLpHMdklkHw8HLuK_vEsOZzUDIEQcXamBna-cbdg7PEK4dUWK1kj6IfFFGWIX5Bo8Ta8/s320/double+dream+hands+crank.jpeg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551150398221063842" border="0" /></a>
<br /><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSBAUGH%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><u>DEFENSE MANEUVER:</u></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span><span style="font-size:85%;"><u><o:p></o:p></u></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">**THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO DEFEND AGAINST ANY OF THE ABOVE MOVES:</span></p> <p face="arial" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><o:p>
<br /></o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b style="">Double Dream Hands</b>.</span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">
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<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG2yt23QJzp5vxUiI7ZuxDyX6S4fDEPuvvhiPGVtMzZYCK3ZFOOeAwz4Ee4a4misX6lOHp1y8kxpHEbtmm_XvFaN8s6ks7w-zXEbfC7xlfqDDwh5q0AE0OMv8YmqsFgo_aoM6Tq2k_XME/s1600/double+dream+hands.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG2yt23QJzp5vxUiI7ZuxDyX6S4fDEPuvvhiPGVtMzZYCK3ZFOOeAwz4Ee4a4misX6lOHp1y8kxpHEbtmm_XvFaN8s6ks7w-zXEbfC7xlfqDDwh5q0AE0OMv8YmqsFgo_aoM6Tq2k_XME/s400/double+dream+hands.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551150238681868434" border="0" /></a>
<br /><span style="font-family: arial;font-size:85%;" ><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhX1sxwpkRNx9awlB3AmBC0LKZrSZXHU8e21Rw8XdDhkbeyXjjg2xUVJ3Yj9qtaZUuFYqg1UzGlkR1PoefbfPRMDEVcKIHyrCVEyP0XvR3pgRpd1FqWGCSgfmtq2d7HVXlYbjCBpjS-ze8/s1600/bateman+phil+collins.jpg">
<br /></a></span><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link style="font-family: arial;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSBAUGH%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} a:link, span.MsoHyperlink {color:blue; text-decoration:underline; text-underline:single;} a:visited, span.MsoHyperlinkFollowed {color:purple; text-decoration:underline; text-underline:single;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">It his highly recommended that you review this <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dm7yAWpX1Mc&feature=player_embedded">training tutorial</a> before Friday.<span style=""> </span>It will show you the moves you can expect from your Patrick Jazz Hand Bateman.<span style=""> </span>But more importantly, it will show you how to do <b style="">Double Dream Hands</b>.<span style=""> </span>If this move is not executed to perfection, you are certain to meet your demise.</span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">Please take this report seriously and be aware of the danger you are in.</span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;font-size:85%;" >Good luck, Godspeed, and MERRY TACKY CHRISTMAS.</span><span style="font-size:11pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
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<br /></p><p></p> Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662365159712777655noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-75267155590091425292010-12-15T23:58:00.009-05:002010-12-16T01:44:08.541-05:00LEAKED: SPECIAL OPS INSTRUCTIONS RELEASEDThe upside-down Christmas tree has shown itself to be a prominent and effective weapon in the battle on classy christmas parties. Until recently, finding an upside-down tree in the wild befitting of said occasion was a rare and special event. WikiChristmasLeaks has obtained instructions for the self installation of said Upside-down Christmas tree (henceforth referred to as the UDCT) appropriate for certain levels of handiness.<br /><a name='more'></a><br /><br />Method A - "Super-handy": No, this is not referring to the behavior of your awkward date after your senior homecoming dance. This is only for the most thourough party planners and those with contruction experience. Step 1: After selecting venue and room for UDCT, carefully dissassemble the room piece by piece. Step 2: Reassemble complete room upside-down. Step 3: Secure regular christmas tree and presents to new floor using epoxy solution. Step 4: Dissassemble romm, flip, and reassemble Step 5: Enjoy UDCT. If this seems too complicated, the following diagram should simplify.<br /><br /><br /><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhESvet5XIV9hKzYjOV_hNRUgoYsJnHhjwQccrshRjyWeG424ZMR7-mMNqJ_jy8tzKOV-nAGbTXZ8skW0noyMucYkjkJTj91m2kJTjYe6970vuIBF467T6hnch6hhb_FwA_fVfcG8yUrkoc/s1600/UDCT.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 600px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 135px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551152466654742898" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhESvet5XIV9hKzYjOV_hNRUgoYsJnHhjwQccrshRjyWeG424ZMR7-mMNqJ_jy8tzKOV-nAGbTXZ8skW0noyMucYkjkJTj91m2kJTjYe6970vuIBF467T6hnch6hhb_FwA_fVfcG8yUrkoc/s400/UDCT.jpg" /></a></p><br /><p>Method B - The Chris "it's not what it looks like" Hansen Edition: Step 1: Install regular christmas tree right side up. Step 2: Invite several skilled gymnasts to your party (keep in mind that smaller gymnasts make your tree look bigger) Step 3: Have said gymnasts perform handstands throughout duration of party, creating an illusion of an upside-down christmas tree. Step 4: Enjoy UDCT. It should be noted that this technique should be performed with an abundance of caution when selecting gymnasts to ensure the proper age minimums are set. A helpful diagram for those having trouble picturing Method B is provided below.<br /><br /></p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8riMRuszhcxDUtDSqC2yOsUfj4czEr9JgVMibI-rbmKby0EamZ0FBeJvZymX69TgIVtxqL0XHsyltZVcLHRClvejv5ziov1ZUyUg8lwzQWzz96tqoUqCF95eIBUjdJFsblcPj8OQfHhpG/s1600/handstand.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 600px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551157421386093666" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8riMRuszhcxDUtDSqC2yOsUfj4czEr9JgVMibI-rbmKby0EamZ0FBeJvZymX69TgIVtxqL0XHsyltZVcLHRClvejv5ziov1ZUyUg8lwzQWzz96tqoUqCF95eIBUjdJFsblcPj8OQfHhpG/s400/handstand.jpg" /></a><br />Method C - The "If you'd wear lights and a battery pack, why not mount a tree upside down" technique: Step 1) Suspend fake tree using steel wire wrapped around the shaft of the tree and hung from a bike rack that your educated but hippie-ish landlord had installed on the wall. Step 2) Prop the tree in an upright manner by using the extension tube for a vacuum to separate the base (top) of the tree away from the wall. Step 3) Wrap the presents and strap them to the top (bottom) of the tree using duck and/or duct tape. Step 4) Fasten the star to the bottom (top) of the tree and wrapp with christmas lights and garland as necessary. Step 5) Enjoy!<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcddk3xWpSOGOePwqWnLUosndbA9DDmXSwIkjgHMWtMGgonGJQ7f95vU2OWUtxBb0yKOZw6yT8pSLFToJKsOsXagwF57AZc5S9a08TyNCF3JTIsk2g3AJF3zNL23lnyYcwt43oIvrHlmCA/s1600/success.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 244px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551162510723071346" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcddk3xWpSOGOePwqWnLUosndbA9DDmXSwIkjgHMWtMGgonGJQ7f95vU2OWUtxBb0yKOZw6yT8pSLFToJKsOsXagwF57AZc5S9a08TyNCF3JTIsk2g3AJF3zNL23lnyYcwt43oIvrHlmCA/s400/success.jpg" /></a> Above: The alleged author of Method C shows off his Xmas Lite Straight Jacket as we get a thumb up (or down?) from a satisfied party-goer.<br /></p>Peppermint Pathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08552637623128126415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-15198054223973837892010-12-15T08:15:00.002-05:002010-12-15T08:15:57.471-05:00IRISH ATHLETES SINGING CHRISTMAS TUNESThere may or may not be <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzad9-Z0oTU">Irish Athletes doing Christmas Classics with dance routines</a> at the party. Hard to say really.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00924679693984169978noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-57792859331517801562010-12-15T01:19:00.000-05:002010-12-15T01:19:39.142-05:00INFO LEAK: CRUCIAL PARTY DETAILS REVEALED<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Little Cousin Kyle* snuck into the Tacky Christmas HQ (where the party is located) whilst the staff was enjoying some post-Christmas-Nacho comas. He was on a mission. The Committee for a tackier Christmas is stumped as to why, but the staff at WikiChristmasLeaks is thrilled to have received the map he was able to carefully sketch out in crayon (from memory!). He reads at a second grade level, maps like Columbus, and we have it on good authority that he was vaccinated from the cooties via a circle circle dot dot cootie shot from Melissa at recess. The girls of Mrs. Miller's class are NOT pleased.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">The Entrance: </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGptkKRV3LLZjNpqi_0wDwvak7EBskGaB11rMSFPODo2SK_9cSE2SPBDD95UAgUx-wRm70mU8tT4fFdb0qB1KClPGYCYLEwoGwnBRl6SLrAlfwamWqXk_wZsaSej-mfIAi2ann50ltD5v-/s1600/Christmas+party+entrance.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="409" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGptkKRV3LLZjNpqi_0wDwvak7EBskGaB11rMSFPODo2SK_9cSE2SPBDD95UAgUx-wRm70mU8tT4fFdb0qB1KClPGYCYLEwoGwnBRl6SLrAlfwamWqXk_wZsaSej-mfIAi2ann50ltD5v-/s640/Christmas+party+entrance.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">He's good. He's very good. This is vital info.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">More after the jump</div><a name='more'></a><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">The back of HQ:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrOAgz_ENHvsYUzA4yiTp290asvbkn9NI6SgNIZjXxo0Yw_gbuGlUhXBwWi0Z_616niff1ses91HCoZWoCGZIC-X3BwvtWL576ZxY5Lp1KZTyweTQEOp8VZ9k5dkQPbgbn2cL_1eJPSknA/s1600/second+drawing+-+kitchen+tree.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="409" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrOAgz_ENHvsYUzA4yiTp290asvbkn9NI6SgNIZjXxo0Yw_gbuGlUhXBwWi0Z_616niff1ses91HCoZWoCGZIC-X3BwvtWL576ZxY5Lp1KZTyweTQEOp8VZ9k5dkQPbgbn2cL_1eJPSknA/s640/second+drawing+-+kitchen+tree.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">He didn't include a scale, but from his detailed verbal history, its big enough for lots of people. And presents.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I guess he was even able to sneak upstairs:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidJB5ghm-87KzTcfDHYbatI88-8w8E-VSt_yFdPReXE-Bc_DKs2Zh8yHieMu4406LWZWXEdpHjod4LlU_TjjFQ2iYOXgWIxK7yA7HFONnYANgNtmSWxXDvZ41BLt0tV2g4mLyVTURANphl/s1600/christmas+party+upstairs.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="416" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidJB5ghm-87KzTcfDHYbatI88-8w8E-VSt_yFdPReXE-Bc_DKs2Zh8yHieMu4406LWZWXEdpHjod4LlU_TjjFQ2iYOXgWIxK7yA7HFONnYANgNtmSWxXDvZ41BLt0tV2g4mLyVTURANphl/s640/christmas+party+upstairs.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">While these are clearly rough sketches, we are confident that they are at least mostly accurate. He currently has Os in both Language Arts and Social Studies. He's a modern day Mozart with the Crayola 8 pack. He even mentioned that there was a basement adorned with wrapping paper and more "pretty lites" but he was too scared to go down there because it sounded like people were awake and playing games down there. The staff at WikiChristmasLeaks can't thank him enough for his efforts for the good of the site.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b>UPDATE:</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b><br />
</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">WikiChristmasLeaks has learned that the Committee for a Tackier Christmas has learned that they were breached, but maintains the position that no irreparable damage was caused, and it will continue its pursuit of the ultimate Tacky Christmas Party.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b>UPDATE 2:</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">After further investigation, the assumption that it was Little Cousin Kyle has been proven inaccurate. The telltale signs were there. Transformers action figures, twizzler wrappers, crayons, and a Spy Kids 3D happy meal toy are some of his favorite things that he always seems to have in his pockets. However, there was one crucial element discovered later that made it clear, Kyle was not the culprit. When an Oscar trophy was discovered lodged in the locked pantry cupboard that stores the beef jerky, it was clear that there was actually a different interloper:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglRGaZsKdZG-xKX3pJ0iEUcCt4ZNiODxUL1wl-2zGxKR34SgkpEjGFM8O9HQK7m6Itm7Mg1XevL35NXKs9HWdtRx5nCqvVAqP5nUA-EaAuXlkjfrYggLtK_VAz7m-qU0HzlYwp779t3_pn/s1600/3367263797_ed278603e6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="389" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglRGaZsKdZG-xKX3pJ0iEUcCt4ZNiODxUL1wl-2zGxKR34SgkpEjGFM8O9HQK7m6Itm7Mg1XevL35NXKs9HWdtRx5nCqvVAqP5nUA-EaAuXlkjfrYggLtK_VAz7m-qU0HzlYwp779t3_pn/s400/3367263797_ed278603e6.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
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</div>Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00924679693984169978noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-39911107105805896552010-12-14T18:40:00.007-05:002010-12-15T08:16:33.194-05:00TOP SECRET: ROGUE ENRICHING OCCURING ON DOMESTIC SOIL<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXKHsPhreFZpSjNu0DtdyFODKSfRe1sMH-4rrhjbAX6G4rVxMtM7YUehP9EuM1dqh8MH3VoNwyNADq2rpvw_OErqe8APE-k1h3XG8n5ZJhKeQsFAW1YvmimD1GuAF5YKhCRs9pPJedp9eK/s1600/radiation.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550700483061461026" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXKHsPhreFZpSjNu0DtdyFODKSfRe1sMH-4rrhjbAX6G4rVxMtM7YUehP9EuM1dqh8MH3VoNwyNADq2rpvw_OErqe8APE-k1h3XG8n5ZJhKeQsFAW1YvmimD1GuAF5YKhCRs9pPJedp9eK/s320/radiation.jpg" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 272px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 320px;" /></a><br />
<div><div align="center"><a href="http://www.mopo.ca/uploaded_images/un-radiation-symbol-735026.jpg"></a><span style="font-size: 78%;">*Diagram may or may not accurately reflect a pictorial version of the current threat</span><br />
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<div align="left">Intelligence reports collected over the past few years are indicating a disturbing, and possiby dangerous scenario playing out in kitchens, campsites and quite possibly even bathrooms across America. Yes, on domestic soil! Un-named individuals (to be clear, they have names, but those have not been released) have been observed and suspected of a home-grown enriching operation The exact methods and chemicals vary from operation to operation, but the public needs to be on the lookout. More after the jump...<br />
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<a name='more'></a><br />
</div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAn5_sI0166fUxCn2jLYzWM1aDHppP-tazKZdISgbJAOboN6JP5vhRRGTa79UD_uiuepH3EOL4UqbVII7iP-Y6PgYFoH5e27mIy4mAtWoR_qhvW2666fDt58BNL1Yxe9Jv2h55nzLG3Nc/s320/img_solo_cups2.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAn5_sI0166fUxCn2jLYzWM1aDHppP-tazKZdISgbJAOboN6JP5vhRRGTa79UD_uiuepH3EOL4UqbVII7iP-Y6PgYFoH5e27mIy4mAtWoR_qhvW2666fDt58BNL1Yxe9Jv2h55nzLG3Nc/s320/img_solo_cups2.jpg" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 226px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 155px;" /></a> <span style="font-size: 78%;">It is expected that dangerous doses could be transported in vessels similar to these...</span> </div><div align="center"><br />
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<div align="left">For the first time, a specific threat has been singled out. Reports of a US Citizen with Irish roots have him acquiring various chemicals to be used in the enrichment process. Sources have confirmed that this individual has recently acquired multiple gallons of Apple Cider, as well as a large amount of Jack Daniels. The fear, is that when properly mixed together, and heated to the correct temperature gradient, this potent combination will be unleashed on the masses. </div><br />
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<a href="http://www.brooklynfarmhouse.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/cider-in-pot.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://www.brooklynfarmhouse.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/cider-in-pot.jpg" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 360px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 480px;" /></a><br />
<span style="font-size: 78%;">Large amounts of enriched chemicals can be achieved through relatively easy means.</span><br />
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<div align="left">Specific intelligence indicates that the concoction may be release on the general public within the next week. Concerned citizens should be on the lookout for large amounts of raw chemicals such as Apple Cider, Jack Daniels, Egg Nog, Rum, or for the more radical threat: Grain Alcohol. Currently, there is no antibody ready for a chemical attack while authorities so far only suggest to avoid driving if you find yourself infected.</div><br />
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<div align="left">Be sure to watch out for these people, they can be very dangerous and have moved on after their conventional weapons training <a href="http://www.break.com/index/gun-recoil-knockout.html">did not work out</a>.</div><br />
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<div align="left"></div></div></div>Peppermint Pathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08552637623128126415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-4626664089357327312010-12-14T01:30:00.001-05:002010-12-15T08:17:31.359-05:00TOP SECRET: RECIPE RELEASED! WORLD WELCOMES CHRISTMAS NACHOS!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">SOMEONE GRAB THE YULETIDE SALSA: ITS TIME FOR CHRISTMAS NACHOS</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Looks like someone <a href="http://tackychristmasparty.blogspot.com/2010/12/confidential-diplomatic-strategies-for.html">followed instructions</a> and got friendly with a few girls. Do they bake?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYXoZ-xEutP9N2cT88KoPsUhoij1E7TnxcfyIxzUOB4Ws-G9sENHVaO9nKPPrP-xzSDpDI2_A7pePIx9DAsVJksABOsCvdr7-h5Y_jzCq_WFYxGnWAmxpcSf5MpElsoGgq1ZXDzSV0DCdO/s1600/n7200945_32408895_289.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYXoZ-xEutP9N2cT88KoPsUhoij1E7TnxcfyIxzUOB4Ws-G9sENHVaO9nKPPrP-xzSDpDI2_A7pePIx9DAsVJksABOsCvdr7-h5Y_jzCq_WFYxGnWAmxpcSf5MpElsoGgq1ZXDzSV0DCdO/s320/n7200945_32408895_289.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Excellent work!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">They brought cookies to the party? Even better! But how will all those cookies be consumed before they spoil?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Time for a time honored secret family recipe to be released to the internets. With a few simple household ingredients, the cookies scored at that flawlessly-executed Christmas party can be turned into this festive spin on a Mexican-American classic.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">As a part-time connoisseur of the original dish, the author of this recipe is familiar with the basics of nacho construction. He took this knowledge and mixed in a healthy amount of North Polish cuisine. Perhaps this recipe can fit into that new wave Latin-Arctic Fusion category that seems so hot right now. One thing is for sure, it captures the festive spirit of the season as well as most of the important food groups.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This dish is intended to be consumed in groups, family style. Chase with cold milk. Recipe after the jump...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><a name='more'></a><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Basic nacho construction requires a solid base (crispy tortilla chips); fresh, seasonal ingredients that add flavor and substance (tomatoes, chicken, lettuce, beans, rice); a binding agent to bring it all together (CHEESE!); and some toppings to add contrast and finish the dish at the end (salsa, sour cream, onions, jalapeños, and guacamole). CHRISTMAS NACHOS follow the same governing principals, and strive to emulate the delicious goodness revered the world over using the following substitutes:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNIlmOGaSNceNtcrYnt7Y1KXr1dF1XazVyPcwxJqsabBdC0lmlpd-IgrjL-_JwSt1vsPFOSMs-1kf6t9B5s3PdR6hkj2nRQQeX1SuXJ_CPps_Uh-_J1iGqQWc9o4hidIDmp-n1lglfPw3D/s1600/IMG_20101213_233235.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNIlmOGaSNceNtcrYnt7Y1KXr1dF1XazVyPcwxJqsabBdC0lmlpd-IgrjL-_JwSt1vsPFOSMs-1kf6t9B5s3PdR6hkj2nRQQeX1SuXJ_CPps_Uh-_J1iGqQWc9o4hidIDmp-n1lglfPw3D/s320/IMG_20101213_233235.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b>Structure:</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">In lieu of chips, the delectable Christmas cookies will serve as the building blocks of this dish. The key is to choose hearty cookies that will withstand the onslaught of sugar and sugar products that are soon to cover them like liquid hot Christmas magma. Sugar cookies and Oreos are strongly recommended. Try to avoid your gooier, crumblier cookies. (Author's note: since the Christmas Party and cookie exchanges are still in the future, store bought cookies had to be substituted for demonstration purposes only. When constructing your own CHRISTMAS NACHOS, accept no substitutes.)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNh9xbpOmmoAiDG4QEtHJ7BEQkfIs3URTCj4b1HJkqCL9iaJuVqrCJj2HpFeK2RMBAbuPPiGw_aJfBUNkFTo_Efh9PtK_u8RUOgSXtm9eMRgJZgfrKjxHAGYCWrI-8j7afv1oJhuvZ1jzP/s1600/IMG_20101213_233659.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNh9xbpOmmoAiDG4QEtHJ7BEQkfIs3URTCj4b1HJkqCL9iaJuVqrCJj2HpFeK2RMBAbuPPiGw_aJfBUNkFTo_Efh9PtK_u8RUOgSXtm9eMRgJZgfrKjxHAGYCWrI-8j7afv1oJhuvZ1jzP/s320/IMG_20101213_233659.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b>Binding Agent:</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Cheese can never be replaced, but its saltiness will not got well with this new edition. Instead, frosting will suffice. If available, funfetti is highly recommended, but try not to limit the dish with just one type. In the same way that 4 cheese Mexican blend is better than just cheddar, and assortment of frosting styles and types is better than just one. The sum is greater than the parts. Be sure to liberally apply the frosting everywhere. Nachos without enough cheese can ruin an entire weekend. CHRISTMAS NACHOS without enough frosting could conceivably ruin the entire yuletide season.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcyHBcN9xcxKzWgRdy7nRHvV7vExjZhe61AKO3rRSTWnGkloH0lhAw3dewJ54PkRj2_9kTCQbTm_xYeGBfYgLoAbMSgtUZxJnl-akPZns5my6Z7T_W_VkGAnyUd7zdlFwMMnDgCYf84BWn/s1600/IMG_20101213_233855.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcyHBcN9xcxKzWgRdy7nRHvV7vExjZhe61AKO3rRSTWnGkloH0lhAw3dewJ54PkRj2_9kTCQbTm_xYeGBfYgLoAbMSgtUZxJnl-akPZns5my6Z7T_W_VkGAnyUd7zdlFwMMnDgCYf84BWn/s320/IMG_20101213_233855.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b>Flavor and Substance:</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Replacing the classic flavors of the grilled chicken, beans, rice, lettuce and tomatoes are the classic flavors of the season: Hershey's kisses, Reese's Peanut Butter Bells, Peeps, and gooey and crumbly cookies. The key with these ingredients, identically to classic nachos, is distribution. Pockets of flavor must be avoided. In the same manor that nobody wants the chip that is soggy with bean juice, nobody wants a soggy cookie. Crumble those cookies up nicely, spread out the peeps, and be generous with the chocolates. Everyone loves chocolate. Except communists.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtaK1BllXoPwYy7_KtdgPj4QY6cpDurlQ-LtVLsyH9wTo8eoHHWMQAR9sXTbXLpkKD1PZewaYv0KPDpXRcgzDZpiic-aOeEERRZ9hXkvVsNrykgSlA16vhTXapWCmCFszQpQXZDsAn3de1/s1600/IMG_20101213_235403.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtaK1BllXoPwYy7_KtdgPj4QY6cpDurlQ-LtVLsyH9wTo8eoHHWMQAR9sXTbXLpkKD1PZewaYv0KPDpXRcgzDZpiic-aOeEERRZ9hXkvVsNrykgSlA16vhTXapWCmCFszQpQXZDsAn3de1/s320/IMG_20101213_235403.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b>Finishes:</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The symmetry continues all the way through the finish. Replace the salsa, guac, sour cream, onions, and jalapeños with chocolate sauce, decorative frosting, and candy cane dust. These items really bring the whole dish together, and correct application just before baking is key to properly distributing the flavors. Be sure to drizzle the sauce liberally over the entire dish, as it will permeate through the absorbent cookies as it melts.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The candy cane dust is its own beast. The finer the candy canes are ground up, the easier it is for the minty flavor to come through in the dish, without sacrificing texture by ruining some bites with large chunks of hard candy. A cooking hammer is likely the best option here, or a rubber mallet. Leave the candies in the bag while grinding to avoid a sticky mess.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Take classic candy canes:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEwYCbNNNvqR6YfnfR5YHYb-WP8Gjo1kPtJUJ230bptp1_DU6FHog2OUDGxo28sz3mNJOTx9t60wTaPjewT9Bcu7jVYfJFOVvid_DAimFcOrv5n4Lb084mIQetN8U6z_IUsLwZ84leg_9R/s1600/IMG_20101214_000140.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEwYCbNNNvqR6YfnfR5YHYb-WP8Gjo1kPtJUJ230bptp1_DU6FHog2OUDGxo28sz3mNJOTx9t60wTaPjewT9Bcu7jVYfJFOVvid_DAimFcOrv5n4Lb084mIQetN8U6z_IUsLwZ84leg_9R/s320/IMG_20101214_000140.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Unleash the fury:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMTQ4xTI8HgF6Nbl7v_b3cqt4-uqi9EjfXwbe-nEgGfIFeF4GpR2O9Yxe-Y0-fVmy31sBYq9Zc5v3Hd5scqE4456MXKeaiJLvYgz4B2RYQ1oPabPBXdlfu7rnsWPD1Q3f2NkjFsiIrqsJ6/s1600/IMG_20101214_000201.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMTQ4xTI8HgF6Nbl7v_b3cqt4-uqi9EjfXwbe-nEgGfIFeF4GpR2O9Yxe-Y0-fVmy31sBYq9Zc5v3Hd5scqE4456MXKeaiJLvYgz4B2RYQ1oPabPBXdlfu7rnsWPD1Q3f2NkjFsiIrqsJ6/s320/IMG_20101214_000201.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Peppermint dust. The finer the better</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgacmGZTs3lh3zU3hOEXt8Qza4zJeVxzFDEnVlMbEnkbmD5Nx3gHdix3uQA85lMqPbwrKhHJpOj4BlbHff2ZCILQOztDL1olCRnu4xNT-tCRHI_0-hdw6whEdBbi6A10ePTabZArKXidf22/s1600/IMG_20101214_000405.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgacmGZTs3lh3zU3hOEXt8Qza4zJeVxzFDEnVlMbEnkbmD5Nx3gHdix3uQA85lMqPbwrKhHJpOj4BlbHff2ZCILQOztDL1olCRnu4xNT-tCRHI_0-hdw6whEdBbi6A10ePTabZArKXidf22/s320/IMG_20101214_000405.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Mt. Diabeetus</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Once the mountain of diabetes has been built, throw it in the oven or microwave to melt the chocolate, frosting, and peppermint dust before serving. If the oven is chosen, watch carefully that some elements do not burn. If the faster microwave option is chosen, peep placement becomes vitally important. They have a tendency to expand rapidly or even explode in the microwave, so be sure to place them in a non load-bearing capacity. One plate can put an entire U-11 rec league soccer team on a sugar rush/Halloween tummy ache/food coma in under 1 hour. Enjoy!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTZQKdBoHCNT3bUJxyEEAblVzXQK4vbt0l8409LDsqx5kt3BirM10QZI4JvrrEDgXIA6SCQZe4ZpyjMQn2ZebFO1gK_dpfRIJxr8lkQ_dwM0qSFTk2fNzKsyLr5rthtgALXTzWFbsxqYuB/s1600/IMG_20101214_000612.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTZQKdBoHCNT3bUJxyEEAblVzXQK4vbt0l8409LDsqx5kt3BirM10QZI4JvrrEDgXIA6SCQZe4ZpyjMQn2ZebFO1gK_dpfRIJxr8lkQ_dwM0qSFTk2fNzKsyLr5rthtgALXTzWFbsxqYuB/s320/IMG_20101214_000612.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I hate my teeth</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Now, who brought the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ea-lbdxp4A">Christmas Piñata</a>? </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div>Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00924679693984169978noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-59647919612766495312010-12-13T21:14:00.008-05:002010-12-13T21:49:28.938-05:00Brett Favre's Good News/Bad News<a href="http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com/images/07-minister.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 225px; CURSOR: hand" border="0" alt="" src="http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com/images/07-minister.jpg" /></a> <div><div><div><div><div><br /><div>We all remember, Brett Favre, he of <a href="http://tackychristmasparty.blogspot.com/2010/12/brett-favre-wants-to-get-tacky.html">Brett Favre Wants to Get Tacky</a> fame. Well it turns out he's found himself in a bit of a Good News/Bad News scenario.</div><br /><br /><div><strong>First, the bad news</strong>, because everyone always starts with the bad: Brett Favre's consecutive starts streak is over as 297.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div><strong>The good news</strong> however is <u>not</u> that you can currently purchase your very own <a href="http://www.officialbrettfavre.com/fan_store/product_e7a41674c1fe/">Brett Favre Signed and Inscribed 297 Start Football</a> for only $500. Instead, WikiChristmasLeaks is delightted to report that it has obtained wxclusive additional text (picture) messages indicating Brett has gotten his hands on an exclusive Tacky Christmas Party invitation. It should be noted that showing up in the jersey of your division rival when everyone expects you to be a Packer for life might not be considered tacky enough. A <a href="http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2010/1206/pg2_ap_packers_unis_576.jpg">throwback Packers jersey</a> just might do it though.</div><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtE9oN-tMJ49bepno5sQNibGTR9rd87fdFac8sjg1ojeSyXCjE6Gl2EPGPtxO6CVZaQSKAoYyReaWySFCaJHVJPI6wP-KVSkg58UsUIzOXy_kMXw9Qa8nr9GdZF891u8QDCvyDW0NrAXii/s1600/favre+copy.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 290px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550360256907493186" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtE9oN-tMJ49bepno5sQNibGTR9rd87fdFac8sjg1ojeSyXCjE6Gl2EPGPtxO6CVZaQSKAoYyReaWySFCaJHVJPI6wP-KVSkg58UsUIzOXy_kMXw9Qa8nr9GdZF891u8QDCvyDW0NrAXii/s320/favre+copy.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div></div><div>***Sources have also indicated that Washington Redskins placekicker Graham Gano would like to attend, but the official stance here at WikiChristmasLeaks is not to be surprised if he misses it.</div></div></div></div></div></div>Peppermint Pathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08552637623128126415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-86517000525533137622010-12-13T01:26:00.002-05:002010-12-15T08:18:37.671-05:00CONFIDENTIAL: Diplomatic Strategies for Acquiring Free Christmas Cookies<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSrchGj_oKArJ9NX5QVbwK8dJ14qDS9-yJ0KzbgNf3Or5uiNrPZ1akAmvvcHDjBKCz8zSf5_3ol8SSAkMytTJ2lPNvQDv-lZ36i7Yuo3uK6kM1D7NVbq9o_AJ7Ivw9hXWAdM-_NmJhG-Tt/s1600/christmas-cookies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSrchGj_oKArJ9NX5QVbwK8dJ14qDS9-yJ0KzbgNf3Or5uiNrPZ1akAmvvcHDjBKCz8zSf5_3ol8SSAkMytTJ2lPNvQDv-lZ36i7Yuo3uK6kM1D7NVbq9o_AJ7Ivw9hXWAdM-_NmJhG-Tt/s320/christmas-cookies.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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Beginning with Thanksgiving, Americans go on an unadulterated food binge that does not end until new year's resolutions are written in stone and hopeless mouth breathers pick the latest trendy diet while pledging to "Get Healthy!" We have it on good authority (Kim Kardashian's twitter) that this year's HAWT new diet is to only eat egg whites, wheat bread, paprika, and pomegranate juice, and then sleep face down. I know it works, Khloe lost 8 lbs in 3 days! According to the Department of Health* these trendy diets last an average of 26 minutes before its back to the 3 B's for the majority of Americans (Beer, Butter, and Bacon).<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgJ8nt4k4ymZlvdz2g74V34gzqsrsPzD7NZE2RBAhkh9hLMA7tIgQPZdBYL3ZpOlfVEn_Ho2RYzaquJzp99qItYP6_46oTOG6owqd40mktQRNiJjqLu3n-NMpOdduXhBGY_6kN_VUydto6/s1600/buy_pork_streaky_bacon_from_online_butcher.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgJ8nt4k4ymZlvdz2g74V34gzqsrsPzD7NZE2RBAhkh9hLMA7tIgQPZdBYL3ZpOlfVEn_Ho2RYzaquJzp99qItYP6_46oTOG6owqd40mktQRNiJjqLu3n-NMpOdduXhBGY_6kN_VUydto6/s320/buy_pork_streaky_bacon_from_online_butcher.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Crispy!</div><br />
Many Americans pretend to lament this season. There is no reason for this. Everyone is all bundled up in their winter clothes (lumpy Christmas sweaters!) and spending time with family. There is absolutely no reason to look good for your family. No matter what you look like, your mother will find something wrong. Why let her dig for a character flaw/hit you where it might hurt when it is much easier to trick her into grabbing love handles and shaking her head with disdain? Plumping up before and during family gatherings is the recommended course. It sets the bar low, setting up the perfect comeback story of how a "weight issue" was overcome. America loves the comeback. See more after the jump...<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfNDwFPtd-aT7Ql_dwxojasSH80cUzQ_2gr7DaRAwthPvFZzqvyDNEpMhwraLe_JvRVB6Lt_lJiU0UazfF33a7meuzk67NfD6qj8tmuos_BTQr8TucpTwOi5LsJRm4_gHKvvNzkShwDLch/s1600/christmas-cookies+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfNDwFPtd-aT7Ql_dwxojasSH80cUzQ_2gr7DaRAwthPvFZzqvyDNEpMhwraLe_JvRVB6Lt_lJiU0UazfF33a7meuzk67NfD6qj8tmuos_BTQr8TucpTwOi5LsJRm4_gHKvvNzkShwDLch/s320/christmas-cookies+%25281%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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The easiest way to do this is to embrace the truly American tradition of Christmas cookies with both hands and a large Tupperware container. The Christmas cookie tradition was started by the dinosaurs in Germany over a thousand years ago, but it was perfect by Americans in 1908. Now cookies abound in stores, restaurants, kitchens, and the food network. Dozens of extra cookies are made with each batch. Here are some tried and true methods for snagging enough of the surplus to keep the sweaters snug around the middle. Be careful, however, because with great power comes great responsibility, and remember that cookies are not just for breakfast anymore.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcI6l9_fvp-ICIVly1olBSgHg4-YIkQYC898tbL8oE9dkfJQuWN0oVhZ45TLpt2CLvvARqNQ4aI4kd3XGNSvQUyT7xupe1_Uchyp8yOxnae-bUoNSJdp7rtNVnXvAqpdYrAaiDXI7-eDe9/s1600/n1508715_34958119_1172.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcI6l9_fvp-ICIVly1olBSgHg4-YIkQYC898tbL8oE9dkfJQuWN0oVhZ45TLpt2CLvvARqNQ4aI4kd3XGNSvQUyT7xupe1_Uchyp8yOxnae-bUoNSJdp7rtNVnXvAqpdYrAaiDXI7-eDe9/s320/n1508715_34958119_1172.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Hey girl Heyyyyy</div><br />
<b>Girls</b><br />
Typically, the secret to an abundance of cookies is befriending loads of girls. According to the U.S. Census Bureau^, girls bake better and more often than guys. If you are a girl, make more friends that are girls. If you are not a girl, start clicking that friend request button. At least pretend to be friends with them during the holiday season. Do not be so friendly so as to require giving a gift, but do make sure you are close enough to share cookie activities with them. Cookie Activities? Cookie Activities are the events below in which girls will bring delicious and fresh Christmas cookies.<br />
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(NOTE: No photo for puppy/baby approach because searching for puppy photos is what killed the wikichristmasleaks computers to begin with. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED)<br />
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<b>Puppies/Babies</b><br />
This point has been beaten to death, but puppies and babies are kryptonite for all cookie-baking girls. Get your hands on one of each to guarantee cookies for the season. Borrow a baby or a puppy (or both) and set up shop like a doctor's office. Space out some blocks of time for some cookie bakers to hang out with the baby or puppy in question. Repeat lines like "s/he's so cute when he eats" and "s/he's got a sweet tooth" Both lines are species neutral. Its even possible to plan pictures of the puppy/baby in question eating, just be careful not to let the little rascal eat too many cookies during this whole process. Those cookies are for you!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1yGsvhgEsougqqRmd_AzSWmleE4iV_VvyyXaB7EeX13V8MSEQgyVHrZ3MpmCdteRI3NK6zjUYe8ypeWHjxoeF3jL9pUIARa45XkS-7rtA1saZPEd_MXq_pZUTek55VNT8eJ0xWxyuZuOw/s1600/cookies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="189" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1yGsvhgEsougqqRmd_AzSWmleE4iV_VvyyXaB7EeX13V8MSEQgyVHrZ3MpmCdteRI3NK6zjUYe8ypeWHjxoeF3jL9pUIARa45XkS-7rtA1saZPEd_MXq_pZUTek55VNT8eJ0xWxyuZuOw/s320/cookies.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<b>Cookie Exchanges</b><br />
This might be the greatest cookie disseminating invention of all time. Its when a group of people get together and simply trade cookies. They each make a few dozen of their specialty treat, and then meet together to trade their homogeneous dozens to create a super combo of dozens of different cookies. They each leave with the Captain Planet of cookies. The difficulty is getting an invite to these powdery affairs. This is where the girls come in again. If you are hitched to one, chances are there are cookies in your future. If not, infiltrate these circles via the friend route noted above. Then try this line, "my mom makes absolutely the best _______ in the world! you have to try them" when you hear of a possible exchange on the horizon. Then, after you score the invite, head to the grocery store and buy some ready made stuff. Be sure to take them out of the plastic container and put them on one of your plates before you show up. Bring lots of empty tupperware.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6CJc5tjjeJEZ6P7u40_rf2GnRTJ0xVg9_QyfU6v_e7Ehf_blyAho_k-3a8fuDHAYTRvSFNnSJxin3EVTAqiCBVXhyphenhyphenvlx461wcELJSgsJHfwUMXET2gmNh1T5HxgZ1WFJrRU72GNg8mVF4/s1600/blue-ribbon.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6CJc5tjjeJEZ6P7u40_rf2GnRTJ0xVg9_QyfU6v_e7Ehf_blyAho_k-3a8fuDHAYTRvSFNnSJxin3EVTAqiCBVXhyphenhyphenvlx461wcELJSgsJHfwUMXET2gmNh1T5HxgZ1WFJrRU72GNg8mVF4/s320/blue-ribbon.gif" width="192" /></a></div><br />
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<b>Competition</b><br />
This one is for the advanced cookie monger. There are several major components that must be executed flawlessly in order for this to work. The general idea is to incite a healthy competition between two known bakers. These can be friends, family members, coworkers, or twitter followers, but ideally they are local, competitive, and might have a bone to pick with each other or perhaps a reason to impress you, the eventual judge. The idea is as American as it is simple. One on one, mano y mano, who makes the better baked goods. The correct execution, however, is much more difficult. Equally difficult is convincing the kitchen combatants that you are a capable and deserving judge. The seeds of this confection combat must be planted months in advance. The preferred method here is to be complimentary, but backhandedly. Try some of these lines: "These cookies are fantastic! They remind me of Sheila from accounting's recipe!" or "These smell like my mom's famous M&M cookies, but I think she uses more vanilla. Did you use vanilla?" and "You've got to try some of Amy's Christmas snickerdoodles, they might be better than yours!" This will obviously lead any baker with any self-respect to prove that their culinary skills are superior. This leads to cookies in the cupboard. Be careful not to hurt any feelings to deeply though, lest this cookie well dry up and a reputation for abrasiveness make its rounds throughout the office. Only attempt this if well skilled at treading on thin icing.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0ruYQrvmyboHZ5MWZI8ohxq66rkqsTMw2stjlnuJMPiuu_8XLLc2BF3NHqgzZ3ZCZp5RXlkOxI4pe1AsRR_y8wq0ZSkgev8vFOsZk3w0DVBoV29Rb6PIHzGtJJCUW5iBkyEvfqnWaiQQr/s1600/flour.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0ruYQrvmyboHZ5MWZI8ohxq66rkqsTMw2stjlnuJMPiuu_8XLLc2BF3NHqgzZ3ZCZp5RXlkOxI4pe1AsRR_y8wq0ZSkgev8vFOsZk3w0DVBoV29Rb6PIHzGtJJCUW5iBkyEvfqnWaiQQr/s1600/flour.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Accidents happen</div><br />
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<b>Ignorance</b><br />
This one should be easy for most guys. Just play dumb. Really dumb. Miss Teen South Carolina dumb. Then, be willing to Vanna White in the kitchen for a bit, and voila, cookies! Constantly lament that you miss your mother's famous Christmas cookies so badly but you are just too inept to possibly attempt to make them around your friends who can back. Repeat how easy she said it is, and how mom even tried to explain it over the phone, but some people just aren't cut out for baking. Then set up a date with a sympathetic baker to come "teach" the secrets of "baking." Plan a few "mishaps" along the way to make the case seem hopeless (The editor recommends flour mishaps - easy to fake without ruining the recipe, and oddly endearing if done correctly). Make sure to stay involved enough to make the teacher feel like they have done the impossible, but be careful not to ruin the recipe. When the cookies are shared after completion, they will taste like victory. And victory is a gateway drug to heated holiday hootenanny! Meeeyowwwww.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhwp2ZOCbTvKfw9dPq0GJMCaspTQehKwKlSmFwvLPsaccZyIc5rDV5dem4Z8BXWlxUQPWUooSkjHffKk3Yxa7pN1xizZiSlSP4yq677EOMq_zD4y34RwmLlGiX55-P_v0zfbWwiKdJbhZ-/s1600/14565_686684771066_1508715_41512380_6858834_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhwp2ZOCbTvKfw9dPq0GJMCaspTQehKwKlSmFwvLPsaccZyIc5rDV5dem4Z8BXWlxUQPWUooSkjHffKk3Yxa7pN1xizZiSlSP4yq677EOMq_zD4y34RwmLlGiX55-P_v0zfbWwiKdJbhZ-/s320/14565_686684771066_1508715_41512380_6858834_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Where are the cookies?</div><b><br />
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<b>Tacky Christmas Parties</b><br />
This might be the best way to get yourself the Comstock Lode of holiday sweets, and is certainly the favored method of the editor of this site. It takes some serious work though. A decent list of friends that might enjoy sharing a beverage and celebrating the season must be built. A suitable venue that can accommodate both guests and cookies must be found. A date must be chosen, an Evite must be written, and in some cases a blog of leaked info must be created. Drinks have to be purchased, a <s>playlist</s> hit parade of Christmas classics must be compiled, and a house must be turned into a winter wonderland. After all of this labor has been done, your guests will correctly anticipate a wonderful time, and the most courteous guests will recognize the efforts of the hosts and offer to bring something to help in any way they can. As a gracious host, you will politely decline their offers, but secretly wish that they disobey, and bring cookies to add to the merriment. If there are enough girls on your invite list, and they follow the blog closely, the result will certainly be a buttery abundance of deliciousness that couldn't possibly be decimated by the guests at the party (barring a snowmageddon scenario). Reap the benefits of this, and enjoy Christmas cookies for breakfast for the days to follow. You deserved it you handsome party planner.<br />
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*The Department of Health has not published this. Probably because it is not true.<br />
^Census Bureau doesn't have this data, but it is scientific FACT.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00924679693984169978noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-36379594533791832252010-12-13T01:26:00.000-05:002010-12-13T01:26:23.532-05:00TEMPORARY FIXThe resourceful editors of this blog have not fixed their computer yet, but have found a new way to share the secrets. THE CHRISTMAS MAYHEM SHALL CONTINUE<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhodl9OB_ucHUCmdsyNiHJErWHNk08qUf77npuytMvvGCmznGBjavvo3SwcRGK7-dt80H2I-5NoYGD6rxyxwudzGy-ZQrBuqPeILC_FrGsEh-XN0LIZZOpUdUoXKDg9G2GmLRDkG5V4NQdL/s1600/14565_686684626356_1508715_41512359_3205899_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhodl9OB_ucHUCmdsyNiHJErWHNk08qUf77npuytMvvGCmznGBjavvo3SwcRGK7-dt80H2I-5NoYGD6rxyxwudzGy-ZQrBuqPeILC_FrGsEh-XN0LIZZOpUdUoXKDg9G2GmLRDkG5V4NQdL/s320/14565_686684626356_1508715_41512359_3205899_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Thumbs up for computers, nerd.</div>Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00924679693984169978noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-58548340574103037752010-12-10T10:28:00.000-05:002010-12-10T10:28:33.269-05:00Virus slows wikichristmasleaks plansThe most serious post on this blog:<br />
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While attempting to complete a document for upload late thursday/early friday, the wikichristmasleaks central computer acquired a virus that has temporarily thrwarted their efforts. How did this happen? Puppies. The editor was downloading google image search results for puppies, and one was a corrupted file with a copy of the run32dll.exe virus. The editor is currently searching for the proper antibiotic for this electronic clap, but hopes that posting will continue via another secret, more secure computer in the near future. The post that was to run today is complete sans the photos that go with it (PUPPIES AND COOKIES). It should be posted sometime in the near future.<br />
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We appreciate your patience.<br />
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Stay tuned!<br />
Merry ChristmasJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00924679693984169978noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-49064325962602431672010-12-10T02:13:00.000-05:002010-12-10T02:13:58.547-05:00HACKED!!While attempting to upload a classified document (cookies!) the proprietor of wikichristmasleaks came under digital attack and acquired a virus on his personal computer. The wikichristmasleaks servers are safe (for now), but unfortunately the stream of documents may be blocked momentarily. Bear with us, we hope to be back up and running soon.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00924679693984169978noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-40933599365210194962010-12-09T08:31:00.000-05:002010-12-09T08:31:22.955-05:00How embarrassing!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiApYG9Hiem6moKF2AvqzibI5y6vp6BCuW6kYiEVxoVx9Cw0JQ00DXoGVReJJvILrjAXWd0aGvva8cR5O4EizpHd1DJK5y6-ay_DKO5dYXI_V6qrq7sqa792wWfhB5andWkbxx1Wc58FqOy/s1600/n1508715_32028695_3356.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiApYG9Hiem6moKF2AvqzibI5y6vp6BCuW6kYiEVxoVx9Cw0JQ00DXoGVReJJvILrjAXWd0aGvva8cR5O4EizpHd1DJK5y6-ay_DKO5dYXI_V6qrq7sqa792wWfhB5andWkbxx1Wc58FqOy/s320/n1508715_32028695_3356.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00924679693984169978noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-64991721123446692922010-12-09T01:34:00.000-05:002010-12-09T01:34:23.693-05:00JUST LEAKED: Christmas albums hitting the stores in time for stocking stuffersExecutive summary of meeting minutes released from the monthly Recording Industry Association of America production call 2 weeks ago:<br />
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Holiday sales are up big across the board as the country tries to spend its way out of depression. Its time for artists to kick it into high gear and capture the Holiday market segment. Some notable artists have already been hard at work in the studio.<br />
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PLANNED CHRISTMAS ALBUMS FOR RELEASE TUESDAY DECEMBER 14th:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxXo5IhCriIkwr6MR7JtDzTgCsGfNJhMhI3BgEczPmHeo5Oy071X-bhAoxV9XAN3grPz7ugDNf1FfXaWK4t7dZiQ1Zq6a7oL32tEH8w28zjTEhNHVy3n5-dyomVya8HVLDsMQKhzP0_MeX/s1600/dmx+santa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxXo5IhCriIkwr6MR7JtDzTgCsGfNJhMhI3BgEczPmHeo5Oy071X-bhAoxV9XAN3grPz7ugDNf1FfXaWK4t7dZiQ1Zq6a7oL32tEH8w28zjTEhNHVy3n5-dyomVya8HVLDsMQKhzP0_MeX/s1600/dmx+santa.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">DMX</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>Album Title:</b> I'll be Home for Christmas</div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>Top Singles:</b> White Christmas, I'll be Home for Christmas (title track), Oh Holy Night</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">DMX makes his triumphant return to the industry with his much awaited <i>White Christmas</i> LP. This acoustic album is DMX getting in touch with his softer, gentler side. He has clearly put the time and effort into this one, as there are 3 discs and 49 songs. His raspy chords add a realness that Bing Crosby never could. The title track is so filled with anguish, you can actually feel him clawing at the prison bars, trying to get home for Christmas. While the traditional hits will be the singles, do not sleep on his original score. Best original track is an ode to Santa and his reindeer: <i>Ryde or FLY, </i>a Christmas party anthem for years to come. Def Jam - $29.99</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGeBDk_8WqV8n7NvMETU9KzP_Cpuie28UShDO0r6hk8TpbL3gCAD2vZrR_ClbO6ovhqtOL8Jd4dztOvsF9-Zh1pzvzFXXZCw-rZGAX8kSPedPnzXPF3FN3R4v9lq1Xpx1yJcpvd-79zyU_/s1600/bieber+xmas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGeBDk_8WqV8n7NvMETU9KzP_Cpuie28UShDO0r6hk8TpbL3gCAD2vZrR_ClbO6ovhqtOL8Jd4dztOvsF9-Zh1pzvzFXXZCw-rZGAX8kSPedPnzXPF3FN3R4v9lq1Xpx1yJcpvd-79zyU_/s320/bieber+xmas.jpg" width="269" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Justin Bieber </div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>Album Title: </b>White Christmas</div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>Top Singles: </b>The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late); Jingle Bell Rock; Little Drummer Boy</div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><br />
</b></div><div style="text-align: left;">The Biebs transcended internet sensation in favor of cultural icon about the time Tom Brady stole his hair cut. This alone should give him free reign with classic Christmas tunes, but his cover song roots and church choir chops will take his modernized versions to the top of the seasonal charts. The autotune won't hurt either, as these classics get a modern spin that will certainly send the tweens into a class 5 twittercane. Most of his fans singing along to <i>All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth</i> will be telling the honest truth. Island - $15.99</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijnJ1bIHHssHGnvRAAOJBulutpGa9hWAZ38Hs4YGjOKZ7uhQp3Er2yrZxYqXat4wlo9J12rN__XpyGm6HHW91v9rRTu_0pfZQNd3IVwzObB_-H6CoOECzB5t3MuFikvMAk-PKRyZcBci3C/s1600/kesha+xmas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijnJ1bIHHssHGnvRAAOJBulutpGa9hWAZ38Hs4YGjOKZ7uhQp3Er2yrZxYqXat4wlo9J12rN__XpyGm6HHW91v9rRTu_0pfZQNd3IVwzObB_-H6CoOECzB5t3MuFikvMAk-PKRyZcBci3C/s320/kesha+xmas.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Ke$ha</div><div style="text-align: left;">Album Title: $anta Baby</div><div style="text-align: left;">Top Singles: Let It $now, Let It $now, Let It $now; Wreck the Halls, $tuff My $tocking</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">There is no stopping the Ke$ha express. The lyrics on her debut album <i>Animal</i> pushed censors to the limits, and the lyrics on her debut Christmas album will not be sung in any churches anytime soon. Its apparent Ke$ha has accepted her "working girl" image, but her club thumping <i>$tuff My $tocking</i> will certainly become a late night favorite at Sapphire before its added to the caroling sheet for the choir. She doesn't seem to mind, and neither should you when you find yourself humming the catchy beat to yourself on your morning commute. Let them stare, <i>she</i> would. RCA - $14.99</div>Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00924679693984169978noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-65057363911229435512010-12-08T00:08:00.000-05:002010-12-08T00:08:40.506-05:00WIKICHRISTMASLEAKS FOUNDER IS NOT IN JAILWhile the founder of the malicious elder cousin of this blog is under heavy investigation and could face jail time for serious crimes, this blog will continue to be your home to updates regarding the 7th Annual Tacky Christmas Soiree Spectacular. The proprietor of this blog has not been arrested in the UK. He has not slicked his hair back. He <b>is</b> however excited that the Glee Cast can now be added to the playlist for this year's fete. Baby its cold outside...<br />
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Stay Tacky!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6nmoI4YU5ngEbzmOqgLVXjLcD1pb2UPTlmHY9m7AjNDUAgjGYMOpCsoMsX1_v6VCk0EHnMRfjY8PsuyhXfTXQ5_XAL-qCq9vVs3Z-NfFeqbwNa2oE8AnYUaiC3grtbPkEHEbrnc4ohxEc/s1600/Xmas+party+013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6nmoI4YU5ngEbzmOqgLVXjLcD1pb2UPTlmHY9m7AjNDUAgjGYMOpCsoMsX1_v6VCk0EHnMRfjY8PsuyhXfTXQ5_XAL-qCq9vVs3Z-NfFeqbwNa2oE8AnYUaiC3grtbPkEHEbrnc4ohxEc/s320/Xmas+party+013.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00924679693984169978noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-66855529799633718822010-12-07T23:42:00.000-05:002010-12-07T23:42:08.131-05:00UPDATE: Leaked Tacky Dance Correspondence posted to websiteIt has come to the attention of the WikiChristmasLeaks staff that the correspondence leaked earlier on this website was not posted properly. Without the accompanying video, the leak is merely a slow drip. With the video, we need a dutch boy to save the levy. <br />
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Original post here:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX6ikq91Aj0HOtI7cDq8yLYbutCJBxyBejj8dYMUd774Jlf8FblOZUfbUcqo30ZyxJMsF7hKQFCA2xJGkx6GXdKS8rEFWU_HMhl8U2UwseNkMWILT72xsxnvMlOjZcMlk370Oq9uU2OB5K/s1600/JoelTackyDanceMovesemail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX6ikq91Aj0HOtI7cDq8yLYbutCJBxyBejj8dYMUd774Jlf8FblOZUfbUcqo30ZyxJMsF7hKQFCA2xJGkx6GXdKS8rEFWU_HMhl8U2UwseNkMWILT72xsxnvMlOjZcMlk370Oq9uU2OB5K/s320/JoelTackyDanceMovesemail.jpg" width="247" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The video of that changes everything: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-a_CqYrw24">HERE</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div>Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00924679693984169978noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-49712031716475603892010-12-07T23:36:00.002-05:002010-12-15T08:19:47.960-05:00TOP SECRET: More fun with recipes!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTeRInZW6YdAuXcUt160UxNpWv1dho075-axytVgk4Coz-FgPkRBv8fCpL7-iKoFIhJIbXHMkGlqVbC52loyUm4NQ5CeG-eEStS5D0as52ie1zhvZmf5BEsB7fPBTT0wgIZmpk7RCa6cpO/s1600/tacky+christmas+profile.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTeRInZW6YdAuXcUt160UxNpWv1dho075-axytVgk4Coz-FgPkRBv8fCpL7-iKoFIhJIbXHMkGlqVbC52loyUm4NQ5CeG-eEStS5D0as52ie1zhvZmf5BEsB7fPBTT0wgIZmpk7RCa6cpO/s320/tacky+christmas+profile.jpg" width="239" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">"Say there, festive party goer, you look like you could use some refreshment"</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXGHzgh73J0OAGWKez-WSa6YmZTfm8H4YLp-DSkzJtbqglTxR_tSouzVLrdNs3YhrmZjSABg6iWJXyYZzzcYpjvKE7Ko3nuKsLcp5Lqjw2V4RZKvJlgU6_WP5zijlDCOAWKisYvMZCbmfk/s1600/n1512372_34983843_2832.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXGHzgh73J0OAGWKez-WSa6YmZTfm8H4YLp-DSkzJtbqglTxR_tSouzVLrdNs3YhrmZjSABg6iWJXyYZzzcYpjvKE7Ko3nuKsLcp5Lqjw2V4RZKvJlgU6_WP5zijlDCOAWKisYvMZCbmfk/s320/n1512372_34983843_2832.jpg" width="180" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">"Who me? I'm a girl you know"</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidZeLkSxKL8ANL71T8JwB0qKSgs1Er1sdTuMz42lsAJURZcc6EirdEHiLm8ybGB0wKLj_30ZA9PDkPAUXPIevm0yCo39xZJX5J-gz6boOkxSfN9n6H4ELuMLHnDG4d_Gzb5NgYjMCVodPg/s1600/520448857mzAbMT_fs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidZeLkSxKL8ANL71T8JwB0qKSgs1Er1sdTuMz42lsAJURZcc6EirdEHiLm8ybGB0wKLj_30ZA9PDkPAUXPIevm0yCo39xZJX5J-gz6boOkxSfN9n6H4ELuMLHnDG4d_Gzb5NgYjMCVodPg/s320/520448857mzAbMT_fs.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">"Well I happen to have the ingredients for the most deliciously festive and social beverage known to the Tacky Christmas Party world!" Recipe after the jump...<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix-z6Wwj-IbOyvLLFwcLDQi_nyLSnRo2wfM_7VattKj_LQKOFRfYksh02z6el3AzumqTMcZGekbqJTIvGsv1GptpIAEQxwbFQ3-iXuATq5H4DoZP4KJaHiQKKvi24HF4rGDvuyzf8L_Fax/s1600/n1508715_37987132_2885.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix-z6Wwj-IbOyvLLFwcLDQi_nyLSnRo2wfM_7VattKj_LQKOFRfYksh02z6el3AzumqTMcZGekbqJTIvGsv1GptpIAEQxwbFQ3-iXuATq5H4DoZP4KJaHiQKKvi24HF4rGDvuyzf8L_Fax/s320/n1508715_37987132_2885.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">"WHAT IS IT?!?"</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYxAr4fqINoQ6BL8mQjrc8cUeiwOi6GuLusJpCAYY5XhTsQ259INa7SWZdQ4nZ2aY-zprKUYXlmOAwXFZSJtVr7qMYM9YKddJPNlaAuIe0FTSBsd_kvBb6LLH2hxksnURzr-aOqAFAz_Bw/s1600/weight-watchers-peppermint-patties-recipe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYxAr4fqINoQ6BL8mQjrc8cUeiwOi6GuLusJpCAYY5XhTsQ259INa7SWZdQ4nZ2aY-zprKUYXlmOAwXFZSJtVr7qMYM9YKddJPNlaAuIe0FTSBsd_kvBb6LLH2hxksnURzr-aOqAFAz_Bw/s320/weight-watchers-peppermint-patties-recipe.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">A Peppermint Pattie Shot!</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvZtqGznp-6osRxHptk-ecFZE5MPYVmOXA53oroG_J4EZE-tUeZ5RubZbA_8VbXL1NA05tHteimXPkkqcNK3wbGouMnldT354P9JZ3U6Ff8XV5eX9N0qJzmfkbCSL6w1WJvAcIjgKpjlsM/s1600/bliss+xmas+sweater.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvZtqGznp-6osRxHptk-ecFZE5MPYVmOXA53oroG_J4EZE-tUeZ5RubZbA_8VbXL1NA05tHteimXPkkqcNK3wbGouMnldT354P9JZ3U6Ff8XV5eX9N0qJzmfkbCSL6w1WJvAcIjgKpjlsM/s320/bliss+xmas+sweater.jpg" width="239" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">"That sounds amazing! How does it work?"</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv0DiyjcYL1D3m72D7T9jhVADqpwJ8flYiKG36sWcdRCM8CTPP_J9tEPsi5KAm9R_ka4iXt91Xg0E-IFHsW1kEUeJ5Le8zJA-QtHOw2k5DbnQ-TjbbLaXwDaSqJdEjHuUHeViWax_w1_sU/s1600/520482159uEtriL_fs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv0DiyjcYL1D3m72D7T9jhVADqpwJ8flYiKG36sWcdRCM8CTPP_J9tEPsi5KAm9R_ka4iXt91Xg0E-IFHsW1kEUeJ5Le8zJA-QtHOw2k5DbnQ-TjbbLaXwDaSqJdEjHuUHeViWax_w1_sU/s320/520482159uEtriL_fs.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">"Pour the chocolate sauce and peppermint schnapps in your mouth"</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge2k26Xj1vlMf483pMtEXn0uM03KVhqsbyxLgIQlupNteVpKr5XPznCDQPRxPjgEEX3iJVlW45m-lTiqmLbWG9u5rwvesRqmSG4CsnUuMabtOJT7lO40HIT4dPA7GMT9-Y7Y9xq4pZmwYD/s1600/313414635VDqzww_ph.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge2k26Xj1vlMf483pMtEXn0uM03KVhqsbyxLgIQlupNteVpKr5XPznCDQPRxPjgEEX3iJVlW45m-lTiqmLbWG9u5rwvesRqmSG4CsnUuMabtOJT7lO40HIT4dPA7GMT9-Y7Y9xq4pZmwYD/s320/313414635VDqzww_ph.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">"Top with a healthy portion of whipped cream"</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhat2MHXRzcdlo3yfdyszJYXi9SJSdjmlsAWrc5DQDK3-Wc6_CLxcPIscK94q4umIVvBHSx4sHuOpd3zYkoI39MYrCf-TKeCuUt8sF-rdUI2rkgSBzJYzKrnixdQGQu7FetQBU26BLkk0Xa/s1600/090909-listerine-01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhat2MHXRzcdlo3yfdyszJYXi9SJSdjmlsAWrc5DQDK3-Wc6_CLxcPIscK94q4umIVvBHSx4sHuOpd3zYkoI39MYrCf-TKeCuUt8sF-rdUI2rkgSBzJYzKrnixdQGQu7FetQBU26BLkk0Xa/s1600/090909-listerine-01.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">"Shake it around like mouthwash before a date, then enjoy!"</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">There will be a limited supply of peppermint pattie shots judiciously distributed by seasoned peppermint pattie professionals. This group has years of experience, and uses only the freshest locally sourced ingredients. The painstaking effort these mixologists have put into perfecting the proportions of this potent potable should be appreciated by all, but only in a responsible fashion. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">We can't have any of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yv29p_w--4w">THIS</a> (safe and festive for work) happening</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: left;">So anyone in a full Santa outfit (not even tacky at all) will be under heavy scrutiny. Please plan accordingly. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div>Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00924679693984169978noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-71127546907253253702010-12-07T01:17:00.001-05:002010-12-15T08:20:48.269-05:00TOP SECRET: Turning Frat Boy Drab into Festive Holiday FAB! in three easy steps<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">It happens at every seasonal cocktail party with a theme. Somebody decides they are better than the party. They are bigger than the party. They don't <i>need</i> to dress up. Even the legendary Annual Tacky Christmas Party Soiree Spectacular has had its fair share of wet bro-blankets. Take this picture for example:<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYIDbx1BidamJ23rNqrG80MBvmuALJfthVJ-MJVHlSamznp4ha8B6eIgusdgSF0ZPeggbJ5p0TY2Nel-GkztirEsGZj4SJ9R_oBJQ3BYvGdM2FgxGWVpWJbLe6zDImHWXu-mWlHpz5qGSL/s1600/n1508715_34958123_2484.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYIDbx1BidamJ23rNqrG80MBvmuALJfthVJ-MJVHlSamznp4ha8B6eIgusdgSF0ZPeggbJ5p0TY2Nel-GkztirEsGZj4SJ9R_oBJQ3BYvGdM2FgxGWVpWJbLe6zDImHWXu-mWlHpz5qGSL/s320/n1508715_34958123_2484.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>The last of the Brohicans? I sure hope so.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="text-align: left;">Observe the inherent differences between the two subjects. Note the ear to ear grin on the festive party-goer on the right, and the dreary indifference of the brofessional on the left. There is no doubt in my mind that the subject on the right was having a better time, and likely looks back fondly on the event to this day. Meanwhile, I can say with certainty that the subject on the left consistently practices asocial behaviors and self-ostracizes on a regular basis. This is no way to go through life. A simple application of 3 household items would undoubtedly turn this unwanted interloper into the life of the party. Secrets revealed after the jump...<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaUwYmTMm1JZbnhWdD-s6qtQ8c2yTmm9PD3-USKwht6y5S0IfcZA_OvFaBHi0sWOMe1aXveCPKWokVy7GTUdB18Dqez-eM7tbydFA0k5kb53fPtLkRxahsOQi04nDHrkaVWxCUZLntzb2y/s1600/elf+boot+right.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaUwYmTMm1JZbnhWdD-s6qtQ8c2yTmm9PD3-USKwht6y5S0IfcZA_OvFaBHi0sWOMe1aXveCPKWokVy7GTUdB18Dqez-eM7tbydFA0k5kb53fPtLkRxahsOQi04nDHrkaVWxCUZLntzb2y/s1600/elf+boot+right.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Step 1: The elf boot</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">A simple pair of elf boots will add significant flair (WOO!) to even the most bromantic outfit. Simply replacing boat shoes with a pair of these little fashion fun-factories lets everyone at the party know that you have come for the nog, and you don't care if Santa knows it.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Don't have a pair laying around? Make your own with some green felt or construction paper. I use an old pair of green slippers that were once worn by astronauts, and revelers are none the wiser. I get compliments all night.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRXSgUkQh5LoKPTpDVWfabekrRQal96pcajMIIj542ErBfZ_8QaVZlYtfVx69mwCwJadVVpZcOtMU-lqjnbKgj8oHhw6OwSWVa-gPozASEHBrLUCSjBy-9V5Ke9nyFHuNV2UdI83yx9NHt/s1600/big+mistletoe+headband.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRXSgUkQh5LoKPTpDVWfabekrRQal96pcajMIIj542ErBfZ_8QaVZlYtfVx69mwCwJadVVpZcOtMU-lqjnbKgj8oHhw6OwSWVa-gPozASEHBrLUCSjBy-9V5Ke9nyFHuNV2UdI83yx9NHt/s320/big+mistletoe+headband.jpg" width="219" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Step 2: Mistletoe Headband</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">FACT: Nobody in any of your well-traveled social circles actually knows what mistletoe looks like. Is it poisonous? There will be nobody there who can say for sure, so make up a good story about how mistletoe saved your life when your plane went down in the Amazon.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">To make this item, borrow a headband from a girl, or from your drawer if you are already a girl. Then head to the nearest garden and rip out some plant life that looks green and festive. Then adorn it to the headband with a hot glue gun, duct tape, or popsicle sticks (for structural integrity). You will instantly be the belle of the ball! You'll get more kisses than Justin Beiber at a tweet and greet with 42 tween girls.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGb0GxG9kHIEfNEd-IN7ILFBF7VDwwaOICSez2djtqnM2lZXNjtF7EelfoMmV6Hmh2o1ahPrVp6iqi9uDW8qfHPQtDUwOwG14DTW9UPXmPjJkI1DCP8-mYPuEb0Wz1ToNpu1eAPXtrjDkY/s1600/ugly-snowman-christmas-sweater.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGb0GxG9kHIEfNEd-IN7ILFBF7VDwwaOICSez2djtqnM2lZXNjtF7EelfoMmV6Hmh2o1ahPrVp6iqi9uDW8qfHPQtDUwOwG14DTW9UPXmPjJkI1DCP8-mYPuEb0Wz1ToNpu1eAPXtrjDkY/s320/ugly-snowman-christmas-sweater.jpg" width="249" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Step 3*: The Sweater</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This is the coup de grace of the entire ensemble. There are a few key factors that can turn an outfit into the focal point of the entire party. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">First, originality. There is nothing more embarrassing than showing up to the party and finding your sweater twin already 4 glasses of cider in, telling tall tales to your ex about how they saved a small child holding a puppy on the way to the party. That cannot be overcome. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Second, color. There needs to be lots of red and green for sure, but bonus style points are awarded for copious amounts of clashing colors that don't belong in the Christmas spectrum. This gem pictured above has both elegance and sass, with the playful snowman naughtily creeping forth from within. What else might be in store for whomever is lucky enough to undo those buttons? It will take more than a couple mugs of keg beer to find out. A classy sweater like this one demands brandy. And peppermint schnapps. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Third, size. Despite what you've heard, it doesn't matter if its too big or too small, as long as it doesn't fit, it'll be a hit. Go big and burly with shoulder pads and lots of room, or small and chic with the very fibers stretching to the point of sheer Christmas mesh. Rarrr!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Bonus: lights, sounds, gadgets, whistles, bells and other interactive accouterments. Need a conversation starter? Tell that cutie in the corner how much they "turn you on" as you make the Christmas tree light up before there eyes. Just be quick to turn it off, should they try to pour a beer on your head, to avoid a messy holiday electrocution, Clark W. Griswold.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I realize that some of the fashion challenged out there won't have one of these items in their closets. Have no fear. Simply call up your old 5th grade teacher, swing by your local k/wal-mart, or surprise your mom with a visit and raid her closet. She misses you and your fridge is empty. Its win-win.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Let's see what happens when we use the power of the coke zero time machine to travel back in time and prevent this party patron from making a huge mistake:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3wfPibuBQnlkx5b4hm42hJwAMuIqmRAuVGB0jTj-7cNQPVO6SNFJCIMQZN9p67Wjs2SzPXpWQRJGv3HnmY8xx-8sMVe_B6KG6NjVEytAI28VOlQVMwGgty2vLwj3wWB70mKgAeLEhxlie/s1600/Brendy+with+some+Christmas+cheer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3wfPibuBQnlkx5b4hm42hJwAMuIqmRAuVGB0jTj-7cNQPVO6SNFJCIMQZN9p67Wjs2SzPXpWQRJGv3HnmY8xx-8sMVe_B6KG6NjVEytAI28VOlQVMwGgty2vLwj3wWB70mKgAeLEhxlie/s320/Brendy+with+some+Christmas+cheer.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">LIFE OF THE PARTY</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'm pretty sure ol' St. Nick wouldn't let these two go home alone. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Please, do what you can to dress responsibly this year. If you must reach out to help a friend, please do it. Not for me, but for yourselves. And Christmas.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">*Note: it is often easier to put the sweater on before the mistletoe headband.</div>Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00924679693984169978noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-59315260921653066542010-12-06T13:25:00.000-05:002010-12-06T13:27:20.229-05:00Super-Secret Tacky Egg Nog Concoction<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><b><span style="font-size: 24pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Super-Secret Tacky Egg Nog Concoction</span></b></p> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; line-height: normal;" align="center"><b><span style="font-size: 24pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> <hr align="center" width="100%" size="2"> </span></b></div> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Ingredients:</span></b></p> <ul type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">6 large <a href="http://www.webtender.com/db/ingred/37" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Egg</span></a> </span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">17 tracks of Christmas music</span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"> <span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">1 case of Light Beer of choice</span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">1 cup <a href="http://www.webtender.com/db/ingred/236" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Powdered sugar</span></a> </span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">15,250 ml <a href="http://www.webtender.com/db/ingred/387" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Dark rum</span></a>, brandy or bourbon </span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">4 cups <a href="http://www.webtender.com/db/ingred/260" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Whipping cream</span></a> </span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">1 live Chicken</span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">1/2 cup peach or apricot <a href="http://www.webtender.com/db/ingred/192" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Brandy</span></a> </span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">16 oz. of Holiday Cheer</span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"> <span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Freshly ground <a href="http://www.webtender.com/db/ingred/20" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Nutmeg</span></a> </span></li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Mixing instructions:</span></b></p> <p style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span>1.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Separate eggs and refrigerate the whites. </span></p> <p style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span>2.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">After placing whites in refrigerator, pour 8 ounces of rum or bourbon into medium sized glass.</span></p> <p style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span>3.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Consume rum until libations settle into vocal cords.</span></p> <p style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span>4.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Beat yolks until light in color. </span></p> <p style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span>5.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Begin playing Christmas music</span></p> <p style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span>6.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Gradually beat in sugar while singing along to N’Sync on repeat.</span></p> <p style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span>7.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Slowly beat in 1 cup of rum with one hand, while consuming a second cup with the other.</span></p> <p style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span>8.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Let stand covered for at least 1 hr. </span></p> <p style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span>9.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">During this period continue to imbibe on rum to keep vocal cords limber.<span> </span>Every 20 minutes be sure to partake in one (1) holiday shotgun with other party-goers.<span> </span>This will ensure dance moves have a nice, delicate texture later into the evening. </span></p> <p style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span>10.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">While mixture continues to stand, warm apple cider on stove top while mixing excessive amounts of rum into pot and distribute indiscriminately</span></p> <p style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span>11.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Add rest of liquor, cream, and peach brandy to mixture and guests, beating constantly—the mixture that is.<span> </span>Refrain from beating guests until “Pin the Tail on the Reindeer” begins.<span> </span>Then feel free to demonstrate your dominance.</span></p> <p style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span>12.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Refrigerate, covered, for 3 hours. Use this time to inflate giant Santa in your living room or decorate yourself with Christmas lights.</span></p> <p style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span>13.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Beat egg whites until stiff, fold in.</span></p> <p style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span>14.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Serve sprinkled with nutmeg and garnished with Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas” again, preferably on repeat.</span></p> <p style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span>15.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Try to figure out where that live chicken disappeared to.</span></p>Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01031217741222826945noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-39578694534187003272010-12-06T01:03:00.005-05:002010-12-06T01:09:44.328-05:00How to Properly Hang Lights<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIi1To6CWMwT1AUlMQXjh7hN97AvwSb0PDmIsmjXIy5HiE4VYlJxXDobZ3-Po2sTx0tPPiNcrFnL-5HTK4UYTHgOV6_ySDU7ndRR40GZX6k31Flz2Q7Skjj9gnvVL_2cp69dLMeA56X0XE/s1600/hanging+dude+midrange+vertical.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIi1To6CWMwT1AUlMQXjh7hN97AvwSb0PDmIsmjXIy5HiE4VYlJxXDobZ3-Po2sTx0tPPiNcrFnL-5HTK4UYTHgOV6_ySDU7ndRR40GZX6k31Flz2Q7Skjj9gnvVL_2cp69dLMeA56X0XE/s320/hanging+dude+midrange+vertical.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5547446239630334498" /></a>This guy's got the right idea....<div><br /></div><div>Someone call Clark Griswold and Tim Taylor to get this guy some help! </div>Kevin Houkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10545447544673043559noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-54566551101976066012010-12-06T01:01:00.000-05:002010-12-06T01:01:46.578-05:00GHOSTS OF CHRISTMAS PAST<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">There are hundreds of photos from past Tacky Christmas Soiree Spectaculars. They will slowly leak here in the next few days. Here is the initial volley. Festive.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4bUEDE1dUhyphenhyphenw0kfmsGCVFsjspCQ83_TDPIXVyoA-Y9z08Vwx7xiREQWkZJLOtK_KUYrTbNvUFaBzICMASRMFkraOz8DLIUKuqUy6VluMEN0xoJFJWLFWtcPNT9WtLjpb8tXHh7__Z48GW/s1600/brandon-jonathon-sweater-big.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4bUEDE1dUhyphenhyphenw0kfmsGCVFsjspCQ83_TDPIXVyoA-Y9z08Vwx7xiREQWkZJLOtK_KUYrTbNvUFaBzICMASRMFkraOz8DLIUKuqUy6VluMEN0xoJFJWLFWtcPNT9WtLjpb8tXHh7__Z48GW/s320/brandon-jonathon-sweater-big.jpg" width="258" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnRxQAMV1dYSZuk5ZqQfcbLjddL1QcdyGdwP_MOWNfz2w8uyrgKVu_EjLQxAIEt_PDL49TojeyCZOe_zu7ghFUAKvvECgJ4Lg3cVxBXVgSQ5e_IVBcvTM8Qrr2eSHbicIECNFqt41r_kmv/s1600/guido+christmas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnRxQAMV1dYSZuk5ZqQfcbLjddL1QcdyGdwP_MOWNfz2w8uyrgKVu_EjLQxAIEt_PDL49TojeyCZOe_zu7ghFUAKvvECgJ4Lg3cVxBXVgSQ5e_IVBcvTM8Qrr2eSHbicIECNFqt41r_kmv/s320/guido+christmas.jpg" width="313" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7HwcbxRepoOjNiw9rFYmvbC2nh1g5iCznZ4Rs2eXxO3RTiy4bcnbMGIusKWriKBRXgCJnsv77ZyuZrco4Mjcr2LynAlWmsTbkNnYRpf-wxSg20UtErYcqPAP7gkB54XfddBcE22zXNBKJ/s1600/n1508715_34958111_8660.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7HwcbxRepoOjNiw9rFYmvbC2nh1g5iCznZ4Rs2eXxO3RTiy4bcnbMGIusKWriKBRXgCJnsv77ZyuZrco4Mjcr2LynAlWmsTbkNnYRpf-wxSg20UtErYcqPAP7gkB54XfddBcE22zXNBKJ/s320/n1508715_34958111_8660.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0aXQrbFoud4Jmkkf5BWFGWe15PYJrSD4k0zqSoWjddMwTOmN_pk5enr21oEHXmG542zVOQJJNrnJ5SgPvN8rShG3LMbstQ_WICgv21wPQmZ9GfXnr7q6_rOu7LKdtGucIMEkyQVfrR2bo/s1600/n1508715_37987127_922.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0aXQrbFoud4Jmkkf5BWFGWe15PYJrSD4k0zqSoWjddMwTOmN_pk5enr21oEHXmG542zVOQJJNrnJ5SgPvN8rShG3LMbstQ_WICgv21wPQmZ9GfXnr7q6_rOu7LKdtGucIMEkyQVfrR2bo/s320/n1508715_37987127_922.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI_eLYc576qiwgElXiP_CkX03JH3rGjo_9G4CAK0YDrOEkRPBucNlkfAxRa5u1yjLj6UH2Ew6VSgHZAeel9Fo2-qSHm1cVblj7VNUb16EWEohbFOmnYJi83yOx22GkiQZuD8tje2lvHZ-4/s1600/n1512290_37921762_4054.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI_eLYc576qiwgElXiP_CkX03JH3rGjo_9G4CAK0YDrOEkRPBucNlkfAxRa5u1yjLj6UH2Ew6VSgHZAeel9Fo2-qSHm1cVblj7VNUb16EWEohbFOmnYJi83yOx22GkiQZuD8tje2lvHZ-4/s320/n1512290_37921762_4054.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIia3j72rLrg7JhJx6_Q0MJ01km141LN5TZ7VL2jsqfm3tGqpd07Pvf5vtBYoio_-etPB2-eQOwjoDG3vD21i-Q5XPVLyqPQtc1_Blk_Go8aA-ntaJzUtbPMzo4I4Eglf_HDhZ3HoyAsw2/s1600/n1512290_37921784_779.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIia3j72rLrg7JhJx6_Q0MJ01km141LN5TZ7VL2jsqfm3tGqpd07Pvf5vtBYoio_-etPB2-eQOwjoDG3vD21i-Q5XPVLyqPQtc1_Blk_Go8aA-ntaJzUtbPMzo4I4Eglf_HDhZ3HoyAsw2/s320/n1512290_37921784_779.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Comments Welcome.</div>Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00924679693984169978noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-59593643839914179712010-12-06T00:51:00.000-05:002010-12-06T00:51:51.510-05:00TOP SECRET: How to Add Summer to Your Christmas PartyStep 1: Recruit Party Idiot<br />
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Step 2: Strip<br />
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Step 3: Place Plastic wrap on floor<br />
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Step 4: Grease plastic wrap with soap, butter, oil, or all of the above<br />
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Step 5:...<br />
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Step 6: Profit<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtCJHv2DFoBckZYxufIe3h3nW642wj4gYaEDb8kG-IgRBYaKszncgPU_FTYtKeuM5_egzzONrvoDLxb_cqEkBU5wfQJRf20w7M2_KUh2C-EyCIuTiZ6T8xI9X9S8aAEaBw5_NaY6coXzao/s1600/n1512290_37921767_5504.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtCJHv2DFoBckZYxufIe3h3nW642wj4gYaEDb8kG-IgRBYaKszncgPU_FTYtKeuM5_egzzONrvoDLxb_cqEkBU5wfQJRf20w7M2_KUh2C-EyCIuTiZ6T8xI9X9S8aAEaBw5_NaY6coXzao/s320/n1512290_37921767_5504.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00924679693984169978noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-43595190394522273782010-12-06T00:48:00.000-05:002010-12-06T00:48:42.518-05:00INTERCEPTED VOGUE INTERNAL EMAIL CORRESPONDENCEFrom: Vogue Fashion Editor<br />
To: Vogue EIC<br />
<br />
Here's the list to include in our Holiday issue. Remember, bigger is good. Brighter is Better. Battery Powered is best.<br />
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On the 12<sup>th*</sup> day before tacky Christmas the fashion experts at Vogue gave to me: 12 HOT ways to make your Tacky Christmas HOTTER than ever:<br />
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<div>12: December means more than peppermint lattes and holiday sprinkles, ladies. Its bowl season for the collegiates, and the playoff push for the professionals. Show your support for your favorite team with some big, fluffy shoulder pads. Like cell phones and hair, bigger is most definitely better<br />
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11: Teachers are the new purple. Ask a current sculptor of minds or past favorite for insight into how they perennially stay atop the tacky Christmas fashion ladder<br />
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10: Inspiration is the key to tackiness. Abstract art, aroma therapy, and Home Alone should suffice<br />
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9: Go Green: Environmentalism goes beyond organic peanut butter. Seasonal greens add more than color. Nothing says "Hug me" like a holly wreath.</div><br />
8: Christmas Safari: Sure Santa had reindeer, but this year's in crowd will be sporting Christmas giraffes, elephants, buffalo, and lemurs. The more obscure the better. There is nothing worse than having the<em>second</em> best "Christmas Ho-Ho-Hippo" sweater.<br />
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7: The audacity of Cheer: Dare to change the definition of tacky. There are no stripes that don't go with checks, no candy canes that don't go with presents. Your creativity will be rewarded with gasps and nicknames.<br />
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6: Make noise! Bells and whistles are encouraged, but singing clothing provides entertainment for all to enjoy. When picking songs, stick to the classics<br />
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5: Be seen! I'll see your seasonal music playing pin and raise you a fully functional light up Christmas tree sweater. Electrifying!<br />
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4: Forget the name brands. Marc and Ralph don't have what this season is looking for. Instead, go off the rack for hidden gems from such designers as "Xmaspressions" "Miss Clause" and "Victoria's Secret." Do you love it? I love it! <em>Smirk...</em>I got it at Ross!<br />
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3: One word: Onesie<br />
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2: If your closet is lacking tack, bring a gift to make up for it. Specifically, we are looking for the Rock Band Santas One Night World Tour Christmas Special Edition featuring Mariah Carey's Christmas Family Fun 2.0 Edition. If you don't have this handy, you better be all tacky'd out.<br />
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1: Go Big or Go Home. Winning outfit gets commemorative 7<sup>th</sup> annual Tacky Christmas Holiday Party Spectacular Soiree hangover. Limited edition, while supplies last.<br />
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*Note: there are only 11 days until the party. See if you can squeeze it in. That's what she said.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00924679693984169978noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3049302059616602027.post-65296023707519598822010-12-06T00:45:00.001-05:002010-12-06T00:45:39.108-05:00THE TWITTERSPHERE IS ABUZZ<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">As soon as we tweeted about our party, our page nearly got shut down. The excitement is undeniable. The intensity-palpable. You can catch the Christmas spirit in the air with a cider ladle. The anticipation for this confluence of concentrated Christmas charisma has rocked the twittersphere. Observe:</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">@502NIvy: 7th annual Tacky Christmas Holiday Sweater Party Soiree Spectacular Outfits required. First 25 responses get first crack at the nog.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">@JonGosselin: All I have is Ed Hardy's Christmas line, so I don't have a thing to wear to the party. I'll dig up one of Kate's pregnancy outfits.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
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</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">@Kate+EIGHT: @JonGosselin YOU HAVE TO BABYSIT. You and that homewrecker will not be attending.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
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</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">@SarahFromAlaska: I'll bring some fresh reindeer meat. Its not Levi. Promise ;-)</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">@ChuckieWeissND: Hey my holiday season isn't going to be busy after all. I'll be there. Is it cool if I invite Groh and Mangino?</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">@TimTebow: To everyone, I'm so sorry. I promise you one thing. You will never see anyone tackier than me. You will never see anyone push a party harder to be tackier than I will push this party for the rest of the season. God Bless. PHIL 12:44.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">@MikeTheSituation: The situation is vibin' hard with these broads. Shoulder pads r hawt. Guidos be jealous of my Christmas Giraffe beater.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">@TheRealTigerWoods: I'll need a ride.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">@MattDamon: MATT DAMON</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">@MileyCyrus: Thinkin bout hopin on a flight. Be in your hometown tonight. As long as the DJ plays my song.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">@TeamEdward: My sweater is dark and brooding.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">@TeamJacob: Do NOT transform in your sweater if you ever want to see it again. I just shredded my third one. Mom's pissed.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">@KimKardashian: My onesie back flap won't button up. Time to take those Reebok Easytones out of the box.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">@PatrickBateman: Huey Lewis released a Christmas album in 1986. It was really the tour de force for both classic Christian arrangements and modern secular melody!</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">@SHAMWOW: The Germans made my sweater. They always make good stuff.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">@LizLemon: There better be Christmas Ham.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">@ChadOchoCinco: Bringing the mistletoe so yall can kiss the Christmas baby.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">@MichaelScott: I would like a nice slice of Christmas Pam. Side of candied Pams. And perhaps some Pam chops. With mint...</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">@TracyJordan: Griz and DotCom: grab the Christmas strippers and the reindeer getups! Here come's Santa!</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">@DaRealKanYeWest: Ima let you finish Mrs. Clause, but this is the greatest tacky Christmas Party of ALL TIME</span>Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00924679693984169978noreply@blogger.com0