Super-Secret Tacky Egg Nog Concoction
- 6 large Egg
- 17 tracks of Christmas music
- 1 case of Light Beer of choice
- 1 cup Powdered sugar
- 15,250 ml Dark rum, brandy or bourbon
- 4 cups Whipping cream
- 1 live Chicken
- 1/2 cup peach or apricot Brandy
- 16 oz. of Holiday Cheer
- Freshly ground Nutmeg
1. Separate eggs and refrigerate the whites.
2. After placing whites in refrigerator, pour 8 ounces of rum or bourbon into medium sized glass.
3. Consume rum until libations settle into vocal cords.
4. Beat yolks until light in color.
5. Begin playing Christmas music
6. Gradually beat in sugar while singing along to N’Sync on repeat.
7. Slowly beat in 1 cup of rum with one hand, while consuming a second cup with the other.
8. Let stand covered for at least 1 hr.
9. During this period continue to imbibe on rum to keep vocal cords limber. Every 20 minutes be sure to partake in one (1) holiday shotgun with other party-goers. This will ensure dance moves have a nice, delicate texture later into the evening.
10. While mixture continues to stand, warm apple cider on stove top while mixing excessive amounts of rum into pot and distribute indiscriminately
11. Add rest of liquor, cream, and peach brandy to mixture and guests, beating constantly—the mixture that is. Refrain from beating guests until “Pin the Tail on the Reindeer” begins. Then feel free to demonstrate your dominance.
12. Refrigerate, covered, for 3 hours. Use this time to inflate giant Santa in your living room or decorate yourself with Christmas lights.
13. Beat egg whites until stiff, fold in.
14. Serve sprinkled with nutmeg and garnished with Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas” again, preferably on repeat.
15. Try to figure out where that live chicken disappeared to.